A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have completely screwed up and i need some serious help. i have had a boyfriend for almost a year now. it'll be a year on the 30th. he knows almost everything about me. we have so much fun together; but at the same time we fight like crazy.everything i do makes him so mad. it's like he's always annoyed with me or agrivated with me and its basically inevitable. i cannot prevent it no matter what i do. so eventually i sit him down and i tell him things need to change. it gets to him most of the time and he'll change for about a week or two and then its back to the arguing. i don't know what to do. i honestly do love him. but everytime we get in the situation where he treats me bad, i do something really dumb. this is pretty long but here's the whole story:about two years ago i met a guy that i really really liked. things got messed up and we ended up not dating even though we were 'talking' for almost two months. ever since then i've never really gotten over him. he's had his girlfriends and i've had my boyfriends and then everytime we're single we start to 'talk' again. but for some reason we never date. we've both cheated on past gfs and bfs with eachother.. but things just never work. we get distracted from eachother or let other ppl get between us. i think i could possibly love him but its hard to tell when we haven't even dated. he's been known for bein a player in the past but even his friends admit that he's different with me. he cares about me. i've worried in the past that he just wants to have sex with me and he's only kept me around for two years becuz i haven't had sex with him yet. we share a mutual bestfriend with can be difficult at times lol but my bestfriend tells me that this guy wouldn't have kept me around if he only wanted sex because thats just no he he is. everytime my boyfriend and i get into these arguing phases i always seem to go back to the guy of two years. he's like a comfort for me. sometimes i feel as if my boyfriend doesn't care about me and the other guy makes me feel special. when he's with me he makes me feel like i'm the most important thing on earth to him. i have cheated on him twice so far, and he does know about the first time but not the most recent time; which was just last week. im planning on telling him about it soon. but i don't know if i should tell him i want to work things out or tell him i can't do this anymore:/i know i need to break up with my boyfriend but i just don't want to hurt him. i know he loves me but he has anger problems and just doesn't know how to be in a relationship. i do love him, i really do.. but things have just changed so much.. and he is basically pushing me towards this other guy. but the other dilema is that if i break up with my boyfriend then i will be heartbroken if me and the other guy still don't date. i know this is all very complicated but i tried to explain it completely. most of you are prolly reading this saying "wow this girl is seriously messed up in the head." and that might be true, but i just need yr help on the fact that i do love my boyfriend, but i just feel as if someone else is better for me right now. i do feel guilty when i cheat. i feel absolutely terrible. and i promise you i do love my boyfriend, but sometimes people just bring out the worst in eachother instead of the best. it kills me but its so hard to let go. i don't want to lose him. things used to be different but then all of a sudden he just changed; and then our relationship changed dramatically. i'm tired of crying every night becuase of arguements and i just wanna be happy again.but should i give up a 1 year relationship, or forget about the other guy and try to work it out?
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Hi there,
I agree with Niki. I really think that you can love someone but not just be right together. You guys seem to just get on each others nerves, and you're clearly not 100% committed to him. As much as it will hurt you to break it off, I really believe that you can both find someone who makes you so much happier than you are making each other. As my Mother always told me, you may be a great girl and he may be a great guy, but you just might not be each others great girl and great guy.
Break up with your boyfriend not for this other guy, but for YOU. Just because it's not working and you can find a much easier, happier relationship elsewhere. You say that you'll be heartbroken if you don't end up with this other guy if you break up with your current one. I think that's just because you don't want to be alone. And remind yourself that if it doesn't work out with this other guy, it's OKAY! Single time is really important. You don't want to get dependent on your relationships... then you'll just settle for someone because you don't want to be alone. You are young, you are hot, you are out there!!
Relationships evolve, don't worry about it! You guys just aren't right together. And maybe it will work out with this other guy, but I would give yourself a break in between the two. Just so that you can sort out your mind and get your brain cleared from the previous guy, so you can have room emotionally for the next. Good luck, sweetness!
A
female
reader, Niki H  +, writes (18 June 2009):
HiI think that if your constantly aruging with someone, somehow something is not right, I think you can still love someone even if it doesnt work but in the long, seriously, can you see yourselves being miserable all the time.The other guy seems to be a fall back. I have loads of guys mates and one was my best friend for 6 years turns out he always had a crush on but never acted on.You should try being seperate from your current boyfriend and see how you feel after a couple of weeks apart and give him a chance to decide what he wants when your not around.Maybe go on a date with the other guy and tell him how you feel and I bet he probably feels the same, just take things really slowly.As for cheating I think if you were really happy you wouldnt even look at another guy and as for telling him, when you find out youve been cheated on it hurts like hell is it worth making him suffer.Just my opinon. Hope I make sense
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