A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a male in my mid 40s dating a woman about my age for about a year. We met online and we hit it off right away. I found out about 1-2 months into our relationship that she was still married but keeping her ex temporarily on her medical insurance. She told me this would last for about 6 months, then her divorce would be finalized. When that period came and went, I questioned her, and she admitted she did not file the papers because she felt guilty for leaving him for another man and was helping him with his medical, even though he has a job and could easily get his own.FYI - they've been split for about 5 years, live far from each other and are both in new relationships.I told her I was unhappy with the situation because she did not tell me she was married when we met. So I felt she hid the truth. After our conversation, she said she is giving him 6 more months on her medical, and then she is filing the divorce papers because she is very serious about our relationship. To date, the relationship is very close and going well.However, I am still uneasy about the situation and I feel she's not being honest about her intentions. I am also uneasy over the fact she left her marriage with another man. Even though it's in the past and he broke it off, she tried very hard to hold onto it.Has anyone been in this situation and can you give some advice. Something tells me I can't trust her as much as I'd like.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): Hi,
It is. A big red flag when a relationship starts based on lies. I would be wondering what else is she hiding from you?
After the six months if nothing is done I would consider dumping her and find someone single with whom you can feel comfortable and build a fture together. You don't need to waste your time wondering things about her forever.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): It sounds like this woman is not emotionally free to 100% commit and move forward. Maybe it is guilt that is keeping her 'helping' her ex husband but if she had no feelings for him she would not feel guilty. Then there is the other man she left her husband for, she obviously had strong feeling for him if she wanted to hold onto him. I think she needs to have a good look at her life, and for now you are right not to trust her. It seems as if she is still entangled emotionally with 2 other men and while she might really like you unless she deals with her baggage she will never be able to commit to another relationship. She probably may not even be aware of what her intentions really are. You should make it clear on how you feel about all this and that you do not trust her. My gut would tell me you should protect yourself in this one, she lied about her past and she seems to be keeping you on the long finger with saying she will now file for divorce in 6 months. Ask yourself are you prepared to be in a relationship where you cannot trust the O.P. Maybe you deserve a bit more that that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2012): I can totally relate to this. I would guess she is very serious about you and does want to be with you. I think she's probably like I was, felt a responsibility to a man who really wasnt able to take care of himself. She would be struggling to get rid of him because he sounds parasitic. I think help her to understand that she doesn't need to take care of him anymore and that's it's not her responsibility...easier said than done....I think stick with her, you sound like a nice man who will give her a relationship that she did not have before. These people like her husband just suck from you and it's so difficult to cut them off as they appear so defenceless. Mine did it to me for years and only just woke up once I got some counselling an realised how he had played me for 20yrs. Honestly, give her a chance, it's not easy to find someone who you click with like her and soon she will be yours alone. Good luck :)
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