A
male
age
41-50,
*ankyviper
writes:I have been going out with a girl for nearly 6 months now and we were getting on great until about 3 weeks ago. I havent fallen out of love with her and still find as attractive as ever but something seems to be missing from our relationship. I find myself picking arguements with her over the silliest of things and Im constantly having to apologise the next day. She has now turned round and said she is fed up with me apologizing all the time and the stupid arguements are starting to annoy her. She says she needs time to think and so do I. Ive been trying to work out why I keep doing this to her but I cant find a reason. I also need to know how I can win her round again and get back to how it used to be. Its not like we arent committed to each other as we were trying for a baby and talking about moving in together. Im scared Im going to lose her if I carry on like this and at the moment it feels like we are getting further and further apart and that soon it will be too much for the relationship to take. Any help people????
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): I completely agree with Emily. You aren't a 20 something are you? You surely are mature enough to realize trying for a baby after only knowing someone for six months and then moving in is sheer lunacy!
You barely know each other, and the arguments are giving you a hint that there are some things that need to be discussed and worked out in your relationship. It also could mean that you aren't as compatible as you thought and she and you are driving each other crazy.
Nothing wrong with wanting kids, but marriage and commitment come first and so does getting to know a person inside and out. Six months is way toooo soon to be sure about anything.
A
male
reader, lankyviper +, writes (31 August 2009):
lankyviper is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Pinktopaz and Emilysanswers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): Hi there, it sounds to me as if this relationship needs to move on a stage. I have done this exact same thing in previous relationships and I think its because I was bored with the status quo. You are at stalemate and if the relationship doesnt move forward then it will start to go backwards. I think you are starting pointless arguments because at the moment you can't see any point to the relationship. Living together or even just going on holiday together will probably make it or break it. That's what I did with my ex and we are no longer togther but at least it resolved the matter. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (31 August 2009):
I'm glad that you realize that you are the one starting the petty arguments. If you think that there's something missing, then I think the reason why you're starting these arguments is because you are trying to find a reason why this relationship isn't going to work. So you're picking fights as a way to justify why you two don't get along or to figure out what is missing. Possibly you're bored, and you like to create drama to signify that your relationship isn't getting stale.
So, I suggest you try to figure out what the problem is before she does decide to end it. My ex-boyfriend did the same thing to me, and it drove me insane! We aren't together anymore--so you see how that turned out. When you feel that you are about to start an argument, just stop yourself and think about what you're doing. Why do you want to start the argument? Is this even worth arguing over? Just remember to pick your battles and things will go a lot more smoothly ;)
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 August 2009):
Well first off you need to buy a pack of condoms and STOP trying for a baby.
Do you really think this is a good relationship for a child to be born into? Do you really want to be a part time weekend dad hearing about how "mum's new boyfriend bought me a playstation!!" if it all goes tits up???
I doubt it so get that sorted right now.
It's clear that the whole idea of committing to moving in and having a child is putting pressure on your relationship.
Agree to step back and just go back to being you and her. No pressure. Just dating and being together. Do what you did when you first got together rather than jumping in at the deep end.
6 months is not a long time to be with someone so just slow it down and take it steady for a while. You might find that's all it needs.
Good Luck!! xx
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