A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What can I say? I was seeing this guy over the past 9months. We have been on and off a couple of times..and all in all we possible saw each others as much as 15times in all that time (we were living 1h away, both with long working times and different days off). I was coming from a break up after 3 years in another relationship (had happened a little over an year earlier) and so was he (1year and an half relationship - his first serious - that had ended about 7months earlier - he had done the break up). I was so happy to be able to feel good again. We had decided to take things slow with no rushing.. (as he kept saying that rushing made him make mistakes in his previous relationship). I was happy to take things slow as they were happening. He would text everyday and be lovely when we'd see each others. We met on a dating site..and one day after about 2 weeks after we first met I told him I was gonna unsubscribe as I didnt feel like meeting other people as I was enjoyin my time with him. He told me he still felt like he was single and that no he wasnt goin to look for other girls but that "life's like a box of chocolate and you never know what you are gonna get" and that he was open to meet new people.I told him I didnt mean it as "go on lets get together" just that I didnt feel the need to meet other guys. Everything went back to normal. A month later he told me I was amazing and it was maybe for the best if we could have stayed just friends (atleast for the time being he said). He told me how he had this issue about commitment after his last relationship and how he was still scared of love..scared of hurting people and getting hurt. I couldnt do anything about it. I kept texting him once in a while tellin him I was missing him. he would say he was missing me also..but never do anything about it..so I started thinking he was only saying it out of guilt. A month and an half later he told me he was seeing someone..was nothing new for me. Again a month after started texting me again tellin me it would have been nice to just bump into each others in town..I told him I would hope not to as I wasnt very interested to see him with someone else. He said he had decided to just stay friends with the girl as things wouldnt have worked out anyway. He told me he had decided he just wanted to be single..and if nothing just have something casual..even tho that wasnt how he didnt want to live he said (we never really been into the casual thing..neither for us..). I convinced to see each others casually.we met more than we ever met before..3times in a week.. (I had moved in the same area as he used to live). After that he started acting weird and then one night I finally managed to make him speak..and he said he wasnt sure what we were doing was the right thing to do as he was scared one of us would get hurt. I didnt hear from him for a couple of weeks..then the casual texting with his usual "how are you I hope everything is alright" started again. We met randomly in a bar one night..pretended we didnt see each others. One of my friend who knew the story and was there went mental at him telling him he had to decide what he wanted as he was being mean with me and not respectful..he told me he was a jerk and my friend was right. Nothing happened until I met him again a month later (after more of those random texts from him) in a bar (again)..he came to me and said hi and that I looked great..I pretended I didnt care and acted cold..nice..but cold. Before me and my friend left my friend told me about this girl who had jumped him and kissed him. I was upset. Left and all I did was updating my facebook status to something like " I finally get it now". Next day he came back to me saying he was such a stupid and that he was unhappy with his life and some decisions he had took..like stopping to see me..and that he understood that he had maybe done that because he was scared of things getting serious with me. He said he understood that the girl he had started seeing after stopping seein me the first time was just a way to pull himself away from me. He told me he didnt feel ready for a relationship but that he wanted me in his life more. I agreed to see him..things went back to normal..seeing each others as much as we did and texting each others everyday. He took me out for my birthday and bought me a present..then a month later..things went bad again. He was different and I could feel it. It all ended with me telling him I was tired and I couldnt understand him anymore. All he could say was that he enjoyed his time with me as he likes to spend time with fun and genuine people but that something was missing..he said " i just felt it..there was a little something and it didnt change thru" - now I ask myself how can you agree to see someone again 3times after "breaking up" with them before...and last time all the things he said..and now? He didnt feel it? I dont understand it..Anybody who could help with any suggestions or advice or share if they've been through this themselves would be wonderful and much appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2011):
 Honestly my opinion is that he was never going to end up with you. He wont commit to you therefore he never will be yours. This man is a bit of a player and likes variety in life. He is not going to settle down with one woman because he likes the attention to much. Hunny you are wasting your time with this man, really you are. Get him out of your life. Show him that he cant keep hurting you like this. You are worth more. Dont let him keep using you. Cut all contact with him and get him out of your life. You will meet a man who will care for you, but he is not him.
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