A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I keep stopping myself from having sex with my boyfriend. I'm still a virgin and my boyfriend knows this. The last two times we have spent the night together, he has tried to initiate sex which I have no problem with. I feel i want to have sex with him. However when things start to progress, I for some reason stop everything. And start saying I'm tired. I don't know why I am doing it. I know the first time was because I started to bleed as I think he broke my hymen while fingering This time round, I bled a little too so I'm not sure if he was perhaps to rough then fingering me Does anyone have any advice for me ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 September 2017):
 You are scared off the unknown it is pretty normal. Your body is probably turned on but your mind is holding you back. If he is being rough then tell him. He might not know any better. Try using lots of lube and don't forget protection.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2017): I'm guessing neither one of you is very experienced. If a man doesn't have his nails and cuticles very carefully filed down (few men do), then it is really easy for him to hurt you.Most men expect (until they have more experience) that he can finger a woman and be no more careful than when he's fondling his own parts. That is not usually the case with women, and he may even have previous girlfriends who bit their tongue and didn't let him know it was not like a porno. If he watches porn (I mean, if he's ever had internet access), he may think you can just throw everything from a finger to a kitchen sink in there, and she'll love it. I suggest that you tell him you're ready to have sex, but you're worried and you're freaked out that it hurt and/or you bled the last couple times. Try lubricants, including coconut oil if you're too shy to go down the lube aisle. Start by giving him a manicure, or go get a very small toy and let him help you play with that. If you're too shy to do those things, consider just lubing up his johnson and start with that. Honestly, you might find that is less painful than having him fish around with his fingernail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2017): Your fear of something very new and what you haven't tried before is normal and natural. You're a virgin! Hesitation is a normal reaction, sweetheart!
You are over-analyzing and associating blood with pain. You are also besieged by your child-hood conditioning about losing your purity and innocence. This is subconscious and subliminal-thinking that rests in the back of your mind. It freezes you up, and you're afraid of making the wrong decision. You are also afraid of the possible pain of penetration.
You need more time to trust your boyfriend in order to relax and fully-surrender yourself to him. He seems patient; but you should ask that he be very gentle with you. The fact you want to is a good sign; but psychologically-submitting yourself to him fully, just hasn't happened at this point.
Get out of your head. Trust your emotions. The body can only relax and submit when you're not creating a brainstorm over this and that. It kills the moment for both of you.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (18 September 2017):
 Perhaps you could help prepare yourself so that there isn't so much physical trauma when he and you decide to make love.
Don't make this a big thing in your mind though. When you feel relaxed and ready things will progress normally as they always have. If your boyfriend loves you he will understand.
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