A
male
age
36-40,
*owz3r
writes:So my girlfriends bday was this pat friday and someone had delivered her over to her job a basket of Yellow roses with red tip, purple roses, yellow daisys and other flowers and a plush version of her favorite character. She initially thought that I had sent them and I told her I didn't so she says it could only be either myself or her mom. Her mom never called her all weekend so I doubt it was her mom. I looked up the meaning to the color roses and it says they mean love or falling in love. So far no one has stepped up to claim them according to her. We got into 2 fights already about this because she says I'm being dumb. I honestly feel it might be someone crushing on her and she wont tell me. When I bring it up she gets agitated so talking to her doesn't seem to work and I doubt she would tell me if it was a guy who sent them to her. Whoever did send them knows enough about her to send her that stuffed animal. Am I being paranoid or do I have a reason to be suspicious? I do not feel comfortable with other men sending her flowers. When we looked at the card there was no name all it says was "Happy Birthday and Many more." and she never told me the delivery people either. I may be making a big deal or not but I would like to know others opinions. Thanks.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 December 2011):
 So she wants to keep them, some women are like that, they like gifts and flowers, and it doesn't matter who sent them. That's nothing to do with liking someone else, it's to do with liking free gifts and pretty things. I know that's a bother for you, but it's probably best to leave the subject now. You've told her how you feel and now she knows. The flowers will be dead and gone very soon.... if it happens again, then ask her how she would feel if some strange woman kept on sending you gifts and you liked them and kept them at home.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (14 December 2011):
Regardless of who sent them, they're her birthday present. I don't believe it's acceptable to ask someone to throw away a gift. You can't toss them out either, because it's not your decision and it will spawn a fight. If an anonymous person sent you a delicious box of Godiva chocolates, wouldn't you be pissed if your girlfriend demanded you toss them out?
You've got what, 1-2 more day of looking at the flowers? I'm sure they're wilted by now. Then they'll go in the trash bin and you can move on past this argument.
P.S. Seriously from your other post and this one, you've got to start giving her some trust. Or the next spat will turn into a break-up. Like I stated, if you have no trust in her then this relationship will end. It's only a matter of time, and how much one can put up with.
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A
male
reader, bowz3r +, writes (13 December 2011):
bowz3r is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your response. We had a talk last night and it seems to be better. I apologized for what I did. However she kept the flowers and I am not comfortable with them there. I do not want to keep bringing up the subject but I dont want to just toss them out either for her to go ape on me. Anyways thank you all for your input.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Could be Boonridge is right, that she sent them to herself to keep you on your toes.
Either way, it's flowers, they will last 5 days and go in the trash, why make such a big deal out of it? Yes, I DO think if she knows who sent them she should tell them, but honestly, unless she sent those herself, she has NO power to compel anyone to send or not send flowers. Personally, I'd say if that was from a "secret admirer" I would have expected something more romantic in the note or a hint at who it was.
You need to talk to your GF ( not talk AT her but with her/to her) and figure out how the two of you can work on those trust issues you have or your relationship won't last long. Most women won't stand for a BF who tried to control their world and everything in it. And honestly, if she doesn't know who sent it, then it's rather silly to go ape on her.
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (13 December 2011):
 basically theres a scene in clueless where cher wants a man to fancy her so she sends herself chocolate and candy.
i just thought i'd clarify as otherwise you might think i was being insulting
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (13 December 2011):
woa! i never thought you were a monster, i don't think anyone here does
BUT even though you do have a right to know where the flowers came from, if there is insecurity in your relationship rowing will feed it and even if you get an answer from her will you believe it? probably not as niggling little doubts tend to not go away so easily when there is a lack of trust.
i personally think someone is trying to steal her from you but the best way to deal with this is to pretend like your not bothered and get on with life but keep a close eye on on whats going on.
sounds like you splash out on her a lot which is a good idea with potential suitors in the wings. also have you seen the film clueless at all?- just a thought...
good luck
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A
male
reader, bowz3r +, writes (13 December 2011):
bowz3r is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh and by the way to answer one of your questions It was a big basket of flowers.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 December 2011):
Thanks for the update...
If the issue is "should she keep the flowers", then of course not, they could come from some weird psycho creep. She's in a relationship and if she receives strange flowers, she should tell you right away (which she has done) and then together you should throw them in the bin.
"if she does know who its from, honestly i feel i have the right to know."
This is the bit that worries me.. this is what sounds controlling. YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS OVER THIS WOMAN, UNLESS SHE'S UNDER AGE AND YOU ARE HER PARENT... This doesn't sound like boyfriend and girlfriend, this sounds like a cop who wants to do and investigation.... so you keep arguing, pushing and questioning.. this type of behaviour is called BULLYING.
Best thing when a woman receives stuff from strangers is to tell your man, then you both have a laugh, throw them away and all is forgotten. If it happens again, then time to investigate because the person sending them might become obsessive. The thing not to do is to bully your girlfriend to worry and get upset by what somebody else has done.
You have the right to know... well leave your woman alone, ask her for the receipt note, or look at the bag they came in, get on the telephone and internet and do the investigations yourself. Start phoning all the flower shops in your country, until you find the company that sent it, then they can give you a name. Then your girlfriend can get some peace, and you'll get the information you want.
If you have trust issues because of things that have happened, then you need to discuss this and say that's why these flowers make you jealous and upset. But you need to check yourself carefully, you sure you don't just get jealous over every little thing because your possessive... If you got reason to doubt the woman, then there's not much of a relationship to save.
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A
male
reader, bowz3r +, writes (13 December 2011):
bowz3r is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I do have trust issues i guess but its because of certain things that have happened throughout the relationship. I get most of you, i shouldn't be fighting with her because of this but like one of you pointed out, if she does know who its from, honestly i feel i have the right to know. I know all of you attacking me right now may think the opposite but if that were your significant other receiving things like that i highly doubt you would like it or let alone let them keep the stuff. The flowers are still there. I DO SEND MY GIRLFRIEND FLOWERS and bring them to her all the time.For her birthday I took her to dinner at a Restaurant she had been wanting to go to for a long time, I bought her the boots she wanted, and I threw her a party the next day where all her friends were at. I do love and care about my girlfriend and I am not the monster that some of you have made me out to be. I guess im just scared to get screwed over when I put so much effort into this relationship. I will try not to bring it up and not be so paranoid but in reality how would you guys handle it?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (13 December 2011):
Oh so was my birthday!
Why didn't she call the company they came from to find out who bought them for her? Unless the anonymous person paid cash, there has to be a credit card receipt (signature).
Now, bowz3r...you've been having suspicions that your girlfriend is cheating for quite some time. What has she done to make you question the trust?
Have you caught her in a lie?
Does she have a less than faithful past?
Any physical evidence (incriminating texts, photos) to suggest that she's cheating BESIDES anonymous flowers or a text from an unsaved number?
IMO, you're overreacting and being pretty jealous. What if it was a male friend or a co-worker who sent her the flowers? They probably left it anon so she wouldn't get in trouble by you.
I suggest you break up with her, since this relationship clearly lacks trust. That is if she doesn't break up with you first because she's tired of being accused of cheating, when you have NO EVIDENCE.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 December 2011):
 I had some 'mystery man' send me chocolates at work a couple of times. It was not okay by me and I freaked out after the third 'delivery', turned out to be some creepy contractor who had to be told by my boss that his 'gifts' were unwanted and unwelcome.
There are some social zeros out there who do not understand boundaries. My creep never gave me any indication that he was interested and I had no idea who this guy was. It was all on him and if I were you I'd give the girlfriend the benefit of the doubt for now. There are weirdos out there who just don't follow social norms.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Women will sometimes get unwarranted gifts from secret admirers at work. It could be a co-worker, someone in the office building, an ex, or some creepo from her past that no one would even suspect. Your girlfriend cannot be held responsible because she doesn't have any control in this. She doesn't have power to stop someone from sending her flowers on her birthday, nor does she control who sends them. I'm sure she would have been happier if you went the extra mile and sent her flowers while she was at work, but you didn't.Since the card lacks a signature, it's safe to assume it's a secret admirer. The fact that the person knows her favorite character doesn't mean anything either. It's not personal really. People like to talk and share at work. Most co-workers will tell you about their marriage/relationship problems, financial problems, family problems, so knowing someone's favorite character is NOTHING. Hell, I could tell you about my former coworker's sex life, so trust me, this is NOTHING. You're being way too insecure, jealous and you need to drop it.If you want men to back off your girlfriend, then you better start sending her flowers and/or presents to work once in a while. It will make you seem sweet and thoughtful and it will let everyone in the office know that you're around. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): She's suspicious as she is withholding the delivery company so she must be aware who may have sent them.Not answering a yes no question is a way to tell someone is lying.Also, directing away the question by another question, or deflecting the question by changing the topic is a form of lying.I'd tell her that if it was the other way around, I am sure she wouldnt want you or expect you to keep the gifts and would want you to get rid of them.Just it seems these days, people don't do that anymore. Try to see through anothers eyes.I'd tell her she has to toss out flowers (already has I suspect and the bear.) THEN, get her something beautiful to say sorry I was upset. I love you and the thought of losing you made me act like a dumbass. Please forgive me.Your Love,XXXXXI'd say a necklace, a bracelet or even a promise ring.AHEM. ;)Then, from now on, figure out what you and the GF find as 'acceptable' behaviour and expectations when it comes to safe gaurding your Relationship against affairs.I found the following Link to provide wisdom and a means to map out some boundaries.http://foreverfamilies.byu.edu/Article.aspx?a=47All the Best!
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 December 2011):
"We got into 2 fights already about this because she says I'm being dumb. I honestly feel it might be someone crushing on her and she wont tell me."Sorry but this does sound dumb... If someone loves her, what does it mean, how can this be her fault. She can't control somebody else, she can't tell them how to feel. How is you arguing and fighting with her help the situation at all. Are you trying to chase her away or something." I do not feel comfortable with other men sending her flowers."Ok, then get her to quit her job, take away her shoes, paint all the windows of the house black and put double strength locks on the doors.. Then you'll be happy. No man anywhere will ever be able to look at her again and decides he falls in love. She won't be able to recieve flowers from strangers then.Or you could buy every single flower in every single shop in the world, but then you'd still have the problem of flowers in the ground that are still growing. You could kill every single man in the world, but then what if the flowers came from a lesbian woman...Oh dear, what are you going to do.. You can't control the whole world. What happens if strange men send her chocolates, is that ok.Your possessive and controlling and that is dangerous.. She doesn't belong to you, she's not a possession. You can't control anonymous strangers. You need to fix yourself badly before your girlfriend realises that you will put her in a prison from which she can't escape.She doesn't know who sent them, she doesn't know who likes her, she works and it could be any of a million people she passed on the street one day... If you can't control your jealousy, you may become abusive... I suggest you get some counselling to deal with your need this and your need to control.PS: Stop reading the meaning of flowers, this was used 200years ago before women could work and there wasn't such a thing as a telephone... it holds little meaning in the 21st century
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2011):
I wouldn't put too much into what kind of flowers they were, could be what was ordered had to do with an amount, not particulars. So I think as far as that you are over analyzing it.
Someone DOES have a crush on her and does know where she works.. Did she not even try and call her mom to find out if she sent them? If not, then she most likely knows who sent them.
What girls would be OVER curious as to whom sent her flowers like that?
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (13 December 2011):
seems weird to me, but rowing with your girlfriend is a surefire way to create distance in your relationship which i suspect was the intention of this present as usually if you give someone a birthday gift you want them to know it came from you. if you dont the is a reason for that.
dont play into this tactic and just brush it off and get along with your girlfriend.
someone could be watching for an opening so keep your relationship happy and strong and stop making your girlfrined feel like she is to blame. she didn't ask for this. treat her right.
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