A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was coming home from work today when some idiot on a bike rode up behind me and grabbed my butt. He didn't do it in a pervy way, I know he was only being cheeky but it kinda upset me. He cycled off at once, thoroughly pleased with himself, and I was too shocked to do anything apart from keep walking! I feel pretty stupid for having let it get to me, but I've never had anyone touch me like that apart from my boyfriend. I don't dress provocatively or anything but I live in a bit of a rough neighbourhood (I was a few streets away from my house when it happened) where people can be pretty... forward. Part of me wants to tell my boyfriend about it; I'll only think of it the next time I see him and feel like I'm hiding something if I say nothing, but he can be rather jealous and I don't know if I should risk upsetting him. As for myself, I suppose I'm more annoyed than anything; I'd noticed the guy on the bike before on the main road and sort of sensed I was being followed when I turned into quieter streets, but didn't look around in time. I value personal safety etc. so highly and I can't help feeling I completely let my guard down. So I have two questions really: shall I just get over it and put the whole thing down to experience? And do you think it would be okay to tell my boyfriend about it or not? Thank you so much in advance for any advice :)
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 person12345 is right. It's sexual assault. It's illegal even. The man was a jerk, and OF COURSE it upsets you!!! No one enjoys being groped without consent. I've had it done to me too, and it is very unpleasant and upsetting. So do not feel stupid about letting it get to you, that man crossed the border, and that is why you react. It is healthy and normal to react to this.
You need your boyfriends support. You shouldn't have to worry about him being angry at you, he should be getting angry at the guy who did this, and want to comfort you.
However, as sad as it is, a lot of guys are clueless when it comes down to this. They (for most part at least) have no clue how it feels to be groped by a stranger against your will, and to feel like there is nothing you can do about it, to feel shocked by it, and how awful it feels. One of the first times it happened to me (it's happened more than once) I told my then boyfriend while crying because the episode had shocked and upset me. He didn't do anything right, didn't understand what the fuzz was about really, and didn't get that he needed to comfort me. He didn't get jealous or angry at the man who did it even, he was sort of careless. Which was quite upsetting.
But, even though he might not understand, or react the way we wish him to, tell your man. Maybe he can be of help to you, at least you need to tell him that this has upset you, and that you need him to comfort you. If he doesn't know how to comfort you then that's a separate problem. Tell him you need hugs and cuddles, at least a man should be able to comfort through holding you close, if he can't say the right things.
If your boyfriend dares to get mad at you he's a jerk.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 "He didn't do it in a pervy way, I know he was only being cheeky but it kinda upset me."
That's because groping people without their permission is sexual assault. You did not "ask" to be assaulted in any way, though many women do feel as though they are somehow at fault after something like this happens. It's not in any way your fault.
If your boyfriend gets jealous of some guy assaulting his girlfriend then he is incredibly ignorant.
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