A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:HelloSo I'm having some issues lately with trusting my boyfriend. Some background: we've been together for about six months, i'm 24 he's 23 - things usually are great! he treats me well, he's very sweet, and loves me a great deal. my problem: i always try to avoid the bad in any situation. i avoid conflict, and never truly express my feelings. there's unfortunately been incidents where i have gotten drunk and easily expressed my feelings with no hesitation, causing me to feel guilty the next day. for example, when he was having a female friend stay with him. i told him it bothered me then one night got drunk and started crying! i was a mess. in sober circumstances, when i do get angry, he gives me a hard time about it - he's playful but he makes me feel like a bad guy.a short while ago, i saw he was talking to a girl from online. yes i checked his phone...(good move on my part, i know) i confronted him about it and he said he'd never cheat on me and that it was for "research" for some writing he was doing. yea, i didn't get it either, but i trusted him and tried to move onward. this happened maybe 2 months ago, but lately it's been bothering me again. i also been feeling like he makes things up. i have this idea that he's a storyteller, just an overall bullshitter. he'll talk about events in his past that don't seem to add up...i can just tell something doesn't seem right.I'd like to talk to him about this but I don't know how to approach it without attacking him. I really want this to work but lately i've been feeling bummed out and angry about everything. this weekend he's going to a kareoke party (and i hate kareoke) but he invited me, and i said maybe i'll go, it might be fun! and i can just hangout instead. but then he basically talked me out of it saying how i would hate it and his friends going are "intense" people and will get on my nerves. he also said i'd drink and get cranky anyway. i just felt like he intimidated me from going. is he just worried that i'll have too much to drink and act stupid in front of his friends? he says he loves me and when i finish school in a year or so he wants to live together. but is he genuine? sorry this is so long, but it feels good to just type this all out.thanks in advance to any advice/comments
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2010): Hello!
First off, avoid the booze. Its costs outweigh its benefits and is a depressant. Therefore nothing good can ever come from it. It can also bring about conflict because it is a depressant and that is evident in your case.
Your boyfriend is playing games. I feel he made up an excuse for you not to go. My guess is he's starting to rethink the relationship and he's hiding his true feelings about it which in my opinion is very very immature.
Be peaceful here. You seem like a nice girl. Approach in a calm sense, not accusatory or he'll get defensive and angry and the conversation will about as productive as an avril lavigne track ( i e not productive at all :p). Talk to him face to face. Face to face allows you to see body language, facial expressions, etc and thus allows for us humans to effectively communicate. Say, "babe, I have some concerns about our relationship and I feel its important we address them if we want to move forward." then...
"I feel in this such and such instance you were dishonest because..." and then give him the chance to speak. Its important you try to see his side of the persepective and much as he tries to see yours so you can settle and perhaps even compromise. Most importantly, at the end when you both said your sides, suggest a resolution. Best to you :)
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