A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 28 and have no confidence or self esteem. I know I'm ugly and it's obvious by the way guys look at me I'm disgusting. How can I get some confidence to make myself feel better
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Listen up. Now I would not call myself ugly nor would I call myself stunning I think I am 'ok' if I am being objective and that is fine with me essentially - but I'm not happy. Being unhappy makes me feel ugly right now and its a downward spiral. I am in a bad relationship and I feel trapped and cannot do the things in life that make my heart feel good. I need to change. Think about the things you CAN do something about right now - whatever that is. Another thing is that think about a bloke for a minute - a lovely guy. In your mind is he gorgeous looking? (not necessarily huh!!) What attracts you to a man?? Is it his confidence? His manners and attitude to women? Is it his humour or intellect? I have been attracted to very different men looks wise over the years and I have often wondered why - and the thing was I really liked THEM as a person I didn't rule anyone out just because they were not 6'4 and toned with dark hair. For yourself if you feel so negative about life you will give off that vibe and that is not attractive to others. Try today to engage in a couple of really positive conversations with people (male or female) and give them a great smile. Build up your confidence. As for your appearance trust me most of us girls want to improve, change or refresh our looks so yes, get a new hairstyle (be daring) buy something new (there are bargains out there) and don't hide yourself away any more. If you want to feel great go dancing (everyone mixes around in organised sessions like salsa or ceroc and its very polite and non judgmental). Take up a new interest that gets you part of a group. Take small steps to your confidence. If you try something huge and you get knocked back it will take you a long time to recover the trick is to achieve each small thing you set yourself to build yourself up again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Confidence is not something you can get. It is something that happens when you build on the different parts of yourself. Some people do it through building their financial stability. Others do it through building their fitness. For a few, they do it through the things they are passionate about.
As well, there are different layers of confidence. For example, I have always believed I am not a physically attractive person, but my overall confidence when dealing with people is above most people I know. My confidence is dynamic to the point of circumstance, the people I'm with and meeting and the mood I have at the time.
To give you a point of reference in helping you build up your esteem, you first should try to look into yourself and find an aspect that you can work on. What are your passions? What are your interests, goals, dreams and such? What do you do and/or can do that you wish to keep going with? Do you find yourself unable to interact with strangers or most people for a fact? So how do you do it?
Comfort happens when you feel you can connect with someone, either for friendship or for intimacy. What you have on the outside only complements what you have on the inside. I do not believe that looks aren't important. Looks are important. At least, presentable. However, looks aren't everything. It is something, but not everything.
For those that feel they do not look as good as they want to be, it just means you have to 'work' a little harder in your other aspects, to become generally more attractive. With modesty aside, why are people attracted to me? Definitely not because of my looks. It's probably because I'm easy to get along with, everyone says I am witty and intelligent and sporty with great humor. Then again, I'm not here to advertise myself. I'm here to give you an idea what you cna do and build on.
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A
female
reader, rorowes  +, writes (21 March 2009):
 First of all, nobody's ugly in this world. We just look different. Some are attracted to us, and some are not. It's doesn't matter what people think about you. Love yourself first, and then others will love you too. We put out the energy we want back in return. If you put out that you're ugly, then nobody pays attention to you in the way you may want them to. LOVE YOU FIRST!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2009): Lover boy said it!!
The only way ur ugly, is if ur ugly inside!
Your personality makes you what you are!
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