A
female
age
51-59,
*appyjo
writes:Hi There, please help me! I have been in a relationship for the past 7 years with a great guy who I love. Last year he asked me to marry him and we are supposed to be planning a wedding for 2008. Over the past 6 months there have been a few things that are worrying me. Firstly, my partner still pay maintenance and the mortgage for his ex wife. Their 2 children are both living at home with the ex but at 19 and 20 both work full time. My partner and I bought a house together 4 years ago and knew it would be a struggle but agreed as he was going to be bought out of his house by his ex when kids left full time education. My partner has not done anything about getting her to buy him out of the house - he continues to pay the mortgage despite us only being able to afford interest only on our house.Secondly, I have today found some used stocking in his drawers which he has bought from ebay!! He is always buying pictures of ladies wearing stockings and this makes me feel ugly and useless. A few months ago he started going on an internet dating site and advertised himself as being single, he chatted to some women but stopped using the site when I found out and confronted him. He said it was because I wasn't giving him enough attention. I am really confused as I love him but dont think he will ever change and I dont know if I can accept the things he does. Any advise or thoughts would be much appreciated
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2007): Do not marry him. For 7 years, you have been romantically involved with a man who has an ex wife who has a long-standing dependence on him.. something that you thought would change over time. It won't. He doesn't have the balls to make it happen, by the sounds of it. She has her hooks in him and you may be putting up with this for some time to come. Plainly, this issue is a core value difference on the part of both of you. Aside from that, your bf does not know how to take responsibility for his poor choices. He has plainly blamed you for 'his' choice to flirt with women on a dating site. Firstly, I need to emphasize what a stupid, disrespectful thing it was for him to do that. He is not honoring you nor respecting you, is he? What disturbs me even more, he wouldn't even take full responsibility for his actions. Instead, he blame shifts all his crap that he started in the first place, back onto your shoulders. Clearly, not the signs of a caring, mature man. If you can't accept the BS he dishing out...then move on. Frankly, the trust in this relationship has got to be shaky after all these no-good antics of his. (dating sites, the stockings) If I were you, I'd hold off on the wedding until he either cleans up his act, you both get couples counseling and he makes some dramatic changes to his character or...just leave this cad in the dust. A life away from all this toxic stuff..is got to be better than what you are simply tolerating now. Good luck and please...be strong!
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