A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,I want to go on a solo backpack tour around America in August. I haven't been travelling on my own for years, and just desperarately want to get some time off for myself - off from uni, work, friends, family.I have been in a healthy relationship with a wonderful girl for nearly two years, but am going alone as she is busy in August so I am taking the opportunity to do what I want to do.My fear is this, however: that when I am away for a long time, my already independent character will come even more to the fore and I will start to feel tied down by the relationship at home, and never truly feel the sense of liberation that comes from travelling. I may come to resent feeling my relationship and maybe even my sense of duty to stay loyal. Have any of you been in a similar situation? If so how have you dealt with it? I don't want to be told that if I am thinking these things, then obviously my relationship is not strong enough. I am a naturally independent person and our relationship has reflected this and been strengthened by it. I would just like some clear-minded advice!Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): I'm in a very similar situation to you... except in my case, I'll be the girlfriend back home! I'm 18, my boyfriend is 21 and he's thinking of heading off this summer (but for somewhat longer than you - anything between a few months and a year). We've discussed at length how we're going to handle the situation; at the moment the most likely option is that we'll go on a break.
I know a lot of people say that there's no such thing as a break because you're either in or you're out, and if you split up for a while you'll probably never get back together. But we see it differently. Being young and autonomous by nature too, for us the separation would be nothing more than an opportunity for introspection and adventure independent of our relationship. We'll still keep in touch of course, but for a while we won't be the centre of each other's respective worlds. Then when (not if, as far as we're concerned!) we get back together, hopefully we'll be stronger than before, both as individuals and as a couple. I don't know if this approach would work for you and your girl, especially since the period of time will be shorter for you. But in any case, I believe that if something is meant to be, it will be, even in the face of adversity. Here's wishing you the best of luck! Take care :)
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Have you seen the film Into The Wild? If not - definitely worth a watch. Might bring a few things into perspective for you.
I understand how you feel - travelling is an incredible experience and you do feel very liberated when you have no plans and nothing holding you back, you are free to do what you want when you want. But the greatest experiences in life are only great when you have someone to share it with - whether that is friends, family or a partner. Imagine if you saw so many incredible things, but had no-one on earth to tell the stories to - how awful would that be?
Just think of your travelling as time to chill out by yourself and experience great new things, but the best bit is that you will have a girlfriend back at home who you can tell all your stories to when you get back.
I dont think it will make you want to end the relationship when you get back - after all that would basically be admitting you are a complete loner and only happy when you are on your own (but watch Into the Wild and you will see that isnt true either!). What I found when I got back after travelling is I felt tied down by life in general, and life seemed very mundane, doing the same thing day in day out. But that feeling only lasts for a little while, and you make plans to do fun things in your normal life so it doesnt seem so bad.
Try not to confuse any feelings of boredom and feeling inhibited with being restricted by your relationship - it is not the relationship that will ever hold you back because together you can do anything, it is just you and your life that will be causing the problem.
Just enjoy your travels, you will miss your girlfriend while you are away and then tell her all about it when you get back - then maybe plan another adventure together next time so you have something to look forward too. We all need our space and time alone, but we all need someone special to share the amazing memories with too.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011): Why are you worrying about your relationship when you are are so interested in maintaining your independence.
I think you might be quite shocked at how much you will miss your girlfriend. Hopefully by then it won't be too late.
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