A
female
age
36-40,
*ola16182
writes:Hey everyone, ok I broke up w/ my verbally abusive bf last week after 2 and 1/2 years together. A friend sent me a link to a site on Sociopaths. He fit the profile perfect! Pathological liar, no signs of remorse for anyone, difficulty in life plans, spending money recklessly, verbally abusive, controlling etc. He is also sexually coercing in that he won't take no for an answer and pushes you until u are too tired to fight anymore and give in.Well I was doing fine for a week. I was moving home for the summer an hour away and on the night before I left he had come to pick up his stuff from my house. We talked for a few minutes and then he started getting really upset. He started crying, like not just a few tears--like hysterically crying and tears soaking him. I told him "Look i've told u for 2 months this behaviour had to stop, i won't put up with the verbal abuse, I refuse to live my life like that" And he replied that now that he knows how much it bothered me he can change. He says to give him 1 chance before I give up on him. He says he doesn't want to throw away the past 3 years because he loves me more than anything, and that he'll do whatever it takes to prove it. He kept crying that he didn't want to lose me and wanted a future with me.I want to believe him but I just don't think I can. He has a history of lying but when someone cries it makes me so upset. I didn't take him back but I'm weakening. He says he acts like this cuz he is stressed out. But I must also add info such as he doesn't let me meet his female friends, goes clubbing w/ them and hides it from me til AFTER the night is done. Has tried to ask out 2 girls for "dinner" before we broke up, he did it secretly but doesn't know I know. They both turned him down and even when i casually say, "so u planning to go out with anyone else?"--he looks me in the eye w/o hesitating and says no.I don't know what to do. My family and friends would kill me if I went back with him. This would be the 3rd time we'd get back together. I felt confident until the other night when he started crying and acting so sincere. But then I think back to how he treated me like crap the last 6 months and even if he did change (which do you think he could?) would it just resort back to that? And secondly..he broke my trust the 1st time we dated (He said "let's take a break I promise i won't date anyone else during this time--lied and dated someone else a week later, then lied about dating this other girl--oh and yes I know I am stupid for taking him back the 2nd time) I don't think I could ever trust him again.Honest opinions people please! Be blunt and let me know! Is he just bullshitting me and trying to guilt trip me? I need reassurance of whether I'm doing the right thing!
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a break, broke up, clubbing, get back together, liar, money Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2009): Hey :)
Reading your account was like reading mine!!! I am 6 or 7 weeks out of my relationship with a sociopath after three years of taking the same crap that you speak of, and it's hard, I know, but follow your head this time, not your heart. Do not go back with him. These people drag you down until you can no longer see the beauty in life. No-one deserves that and I am quite sure you deserve more than this.
Be strong
A
male
reader, GrimmReality  +, writes (16 May 2009):
 Ok...you want blunt..here goes.
Sweety this guy is/was cheating on you. It has no bearing on being a sociopath, he is simply a liar.
Keeping things like not letting you meet his friends is a clear sign he has a whole other life outside of you. He only cried because half of his life(that he has constructed) was on its way out the door with you.
Run from this, don't look back, and you seem like a very nice young lady. There is someone out there for you who will respect you and not be controlling.
They are out there, I Promise!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Bestrong, have faith in what you are doing - it sounds right to me.
tell him you need space and time - 6 months or so. the world should have moved on by then.
star.x.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 May 2009):
 Did you finish reading the site? You said he fitted the profile perfectly. Well his current behaviour fits it too.
People can change, but it takes a long time and very hard work with the aid of proffesionals. Did any of this happen? No? Then it is just part of the pattern of an abuser.
They ALWAYS cry when you leave, then you are pulled back and the pattern repeats.
Finish reading up on the subject. And cut all contact. You are not doing yourself any favors by putting yourself through this and in a way harming him as well. As long as he thinks he can get away with this behaviour, he will never fix himself.
You are doing the right thing, but END IT completely. Do no longer talk to him and if he keeps contacting you get a restraining order. It is tears now, abusers don't always keep it at this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): You are doing the right thing. This guy hasn't changed, and isn't going to any time soon. Move on and find someone decent.
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