A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Hope u can help as I just need advice as I am in a very new situation!My fella and I have been together nearly 6 months. He loves me as I do him. However, he has 2 wonderful children (who I haven't met yet) and I understand that he has regular dealings with his ex. But, when it comes to social outings to like alton towers etc which he organises for him and his kids, should she go? He says he doesn't like it when she goes, but she does it anyway and he can't do anything about it. As far as I know they have an okish relationship - she has a fella, but when they fall out she always threatens him, but then the next day its fine. She has only been in touch with me once telling me to stay away, but she was single then and that was 3 months ago. She is fine now and seems ok about us. I have always been nice about her and never been nasty. I just don't know how to feel about these social outings. Thanks x
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 He has them EVERY weekend? Wow. So YOU never SEE HIM ON WEEKENDS?
you are together 6 months and serious right?
who keeps you from the kids? is it your choice or his?
I'm sorry I disent with some of the posters SHE should NOT be going on HIS time with the kids... and at this point if you two are SERIOUS YOU should be.
A
female
reader, pixie13 +, writes (4 January 2012):
Try reading ‘I Hate His Ex’ by Alex Moore. I’ve just read it and it has really help me sort out loads of problems within my relationship. It is definitely worth a try!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): I can't imagine why she wants to tag along in his time..maybe because he pays? Maybe for the sake of the children, but I would think it would confuse them, depends how old they are.
I think after 6 months you should be allowed to go with him, not every time but here n there, make your presence felt with her and meet the children propely.
How long ago did they split and what were the reasons, this may have a bearing on her wanting to join them?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 December 2011):
 I'd ask to go along on the next outing. I would definitely want to throw my hat in the ring.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): Hi
Thanks for your advice. What I find confusing tho, is that he has the kids every weekend, takes them footballing etc. He is a very hands on dad. His ex makes jealous comments to him but she still goes on these little outings - when as I am aware, none of his family like her. I want to know if I should read anything into the relationship with him and his ex.
Thank u all xx
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (22 December 2011):
 It all depends on their history, the age of the children and the type of parents they are.
My children visit their dad, he takes them to cornwall to visit family for a couple of weeks a year and on various day trips... thats all fine with me. All I want to know is where they are off to, and i return the same courtesy if me and the kids are off on a trip.
However a freind of mine's ex husband has bi-polar disorder and during phases of mania he has made some irresponsible decisions which could (thankfully all ok) have put their kids in danger. She now attends all day trips and he doesnt take the kids on holidays at the moment.
You see, if at one point (which you will probably never know about) her trust in him as a parent capable of looking after their children as been lost, then she is much more likely to be wanting to attend to ensure everything is ok. It could be as simple as one of the little ones getting lost in a park, or wandering off in the supermarket (every child does this at some point)... but if the trust is gone its gone. Personally I would rather a dad still get to take his kids out with me in attendance than no further trips at all.
Its also important for the sake of the kids to see that mum n dad can still manage to get along despite their break up. The children still belong to this family and the presentation of a united front is really healthy for them.
I would also like to say though, that if he wants to get solo visitation (for trips and for when they come to his home) then he can apply through the courts. Be warned though its a lengthy process, and mum could prevent him seeing the kids alone during the whole process. I hate it when parents use children as weapons, but so many do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2011): It depends on if they have made arrangement through legal organisations, or if they have worked it out between the 2 of them. If he has talked to her, and she refuses to not attend these outings, and he hasn;t been through legal means to arrange visitation, he is right that he can't force her not to show up without going through legal channel's, and that can cost money and cause problem's, she may not let him see the kids in the interim between when he started it and the legal judgements are handed down.
It's a hard situation, the best way to handle it is to think about the children, it's good if their parents can get along as best they can for the children's sake. I understand his ex is a pain in the butt, but the children are the important one's. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, KittieS +, writes (22 December 2011):
 It's a really difficult situation when little ones are involved. I would suggest its not ok for her to be. Involved, but different strokes different folks.
I think 6 months is a reasonable amount of time for you to meet his children even in a "friend" capacity. I think you should be going too!
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