A
female
age
30-35,
*ustwannabehappy
writes:I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now. We are in the same class(both 19) and in march we started dating! We used to be best friends before that, and I liked him for a couple months before we started dating, and I know that he did to. During the beginning of summer break, we went to a festival and fought a lot during that week. We had never fought before and things just didn't go very well. The last day, I kissed a guy while I was really drunk. He was someone from my old school that I've always had something for, and maybe there were some unresolved feelings there, but we haven't seen each other that much since we began high school. But after that happened I felt really bad about it, but decided not to tell him, because I was in doubt about our relationship (because of the fighting etc) We didn't see each other during the summer break because we were both away, which lasted about a month. And during that time I texted with that other guy a little bit, but I When we saw each other again, I really felt that my feelings for him had faded and was really in doubt about it all. I told him about my doubts but we still continued the relationship. One night, about a month after the end of summer break, we met up, and broke up. He thought that I had changed towards him so he didn't have the same feelings as he did during the start for me, and I had lost my feelings for him. We then walked together for a long time and had a really nice talk together, and things between us felt really good.Then came the sadness, I was sad, he was sad, and we talked about it. A couple of days after, we slept together and I really felt that all I wanted was him back and that he was everything to me! But things were still complicated.Two days after we met up, and he told me he had kissed another girl the day before. That day we were both at a different party, and I had texted with the other guy, but I realized that now that I had the chance, I didn't want to see him at all! I got mad at my boyfriend for kissing another girl, but also forgave him because we weren't together and he told me he realized then and there that I was the one he wanted.We decided to start dating again, and for a month we weren't official, but I started falling in love with him more and more for everyday and things were really good between us! After a month we became a couple again, and still are today. Through time things are better and better between us, and I love him so much, and I know he feels the same way! Our relationship has grown stronger and stronger and now I really feel the things I didn't feel before, and my love and appreciation for him is so strong!So my dilemma is... should I tell him about the other guy?In my eyes, kissing him was the stupidest thing I could have done, but it kinda helped me realize that I really want my boyfriend, and not the other guy, and those unresolved feelings, are finally, after a lot of time when I was younger, gone!!!Be easy on the judging, I know that what I did was wrong, and how I feel for my boyfriend now, I would NEVER cheat on him! He is the only one that I want and I am so happy that we are together !
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female
reader, justwannabehappy +, writes (16 November 2013):
justwannabehappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your replies!He doesn't know the other guy, I mean they have met before once because of their parents, but they never hang out, and don't have any friends in common: except for me... I just don't know if it's possible to build up a good and long relationship, when there's this little secret from the past?If I told him, there might be a chance that he breaks up with me, but if I he didn't we would have everything cleared up. Of course I don't want him to end things, and I'm afraid I'll hurt him!! But if not telling him is "okay", I mean for our relationship to still be something good, maybe that's the best idea!!I had a rough month or two, but then I really realized who I wanted to be with: my boyfriend! By exploring a little (even though it was stupid) I came to the conclusion that he's the one that I want, and who I'm inlove with :)
A
female
reader, justwannabehappy +, writes (16 November 2013):
justwannabehappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy doesn't know the other guy, and no one else knows about the kiss except for some of my really close girl friends. I wasn't planning on telling him right now, but after time has passed I've also realized that now that I actually want to be in and commit to this relationship, I don't want any shadows from the past in there... And if my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me, after I've told him and explained him that I actually only love him, that's maybe a risk I should take. If it was me, I think I would want to know, and if the circumstances were reversed I would probably take him back, because I would have felt the improvement in our relationship after the break up and would have realized that we were good together, like he has. But maybe I shouldn't tell him...For me it wasn't a really big deal because I was so drunk and what it made me realize. But if it's like building a relationship on a lie, I want to let him know.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): There are certain circumstances where the guy needs to know. If the other guy is someone your BF knows or crosses paths with, then you should tell him. Same if this guy is someone that you are still acquainted with. What happened is not "in the past" if you are lying/omitting things about people who are still around today.
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A
female
reader, luvispain  +, writes (15 November 2013):
Don't tell him about the other guy. He will resent you for it. You said you slept with your bf when things were complicated. Sometimes lovemaking can bring two ppl closer together and other times it can make things even more complicated. Maybe you two needed to experience other ppl to truly realize how much you missed each other. Since things are going so well, telling him about the other guy will only put you both back in a funk. Ultimately, its up to you. If withholding it from your bf is eating at you, then tell him. He may or may not take it well. Its a risk that I honestly don't believe is worth taking. My advice is to keep quiet and not tell him.
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