| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hello. My girlfriend and I broke up a few months ago. I admit, as I did to her recently, that I realize that the way I was acting was kind of abusive towards her. Actually, I made a huge mistake and did and said something when she was leaving me that I regret. I never hit her, though. I've never hit any woman, but sometimes my mood switches and before I notice it, I'm a completely different and very angry person.She and I always had a relationship that felt much like a friendship. It was physically passionate too, but we had another connection that reminded me of the one I have with a male best friend of mine. We laughed about alot of stuff. We were both smart asses. She tolerated my b.s., and I was always surprised by that. But, I pretty much hated her during our breakup. I came to my senses after a few weeks and I really started to regret what I'd done.I called her and we started talking again. It took a while, but now we seem to talk like we used to, though we're both maybe a little more held back. I always have to be the first one to call her now. I am actually afraid of saying anything that will upset her now because I've realized that over time I let my behavior towards her spiral out of control. She noticed it and I think she's pretty weary of seeing me. But, on the phone, it's like old times. I couldn't help myself a week ago and asked her if she wanted to go out for lunch. She said maybe, but when the day came, she texted me and told me she wasn't up to it at the moment. I've been out of town now for a week, but I asked her if she wanted to hang out with me for a little while when I get back on Monday. She didn't sound very excited about it. Just said okay a few times. How can she be so nice to me and still turn down my invitations to hang out, but in such a passive way? I feel like she's going to turn this one down too. Is she leading me on? I told her it was all up to her. I feel bad about her rejections, but I understand I guess where she's coming from. Still, though, what's up with her half-commitments? If I give her more time will she ever come around? Why can't she just say yes or no?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (28 June 2009):
 She's being nice because she was a nice person and cared about you once. That doesn't mean she wants a relationship. A passive no is still a no.
I agree with satindesire, you should give her space.
Good luck.
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