A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship.We love eachother dearly and do everything together.So why, even when we're cuddling on the sofa watching telly, or tucked up in bed talking about our future, do I have these horrible thoughts about his past?Since we've been together, all I can think about is his ex girlfriend; how long they were together for, what they did together, where they went on holiday, what his family thought of her and if I'm better than her in every which way possible.And the worst of it?I know it's ridiculous.She wasn't a very nice person. For 6 months of their nearly 4 year relationship she was cheating on him with two different men; one being his best friends brother.She even accepted his proposal of marriage (obviously with him unaware of what was happening), and carried on the same way she had been.After he found out, they split, haven't contacted eachother for about a year and a half and I know she repulses him.I know how much she upset him, and I hate her for that, but still, the fact that he was with her in the first place, even though we didn't know eachother existed at the time, just tears me apart.Some nights I can't sleep, I just look at him sleeping and wish all the time he'd spent with her, all the things they did together, had been with me instead.This is horrible, and I know the responses I'll get will probably centre around "but he's with you now", "they broke up for a reason", and "his past isn't his fault", but it just makes me so angry and jealous that he was in love with someone before me.So; do I need to talk to someone?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, friend's brother, his ex, jealous, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): You need to come to terms with the fact that he had a life before you. Your relationship does not involve his ex so I can't understand why you are so insecure? Do you feel insufficient for him perhaps? That you can't make him as happy as she did? I don't understand? Let her go please for the sake of your own sanity and the health of your relationship. YOu are wasting precious time worrying about things that do not matter and belong in the past... look ahead! Good luck xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2009): Hiya if this is a real problem for you its not rediculous. I dont know how long youve been together but it sounds as if you have a great thing going there, so it would be a shame to spoil it because you are jealous of his ex. Its not uncommon to be angry at someones ex for the hurt theyve caused your partner but remember his journey, whatever that was, led to you. And while you are cuddling up hes enjoying it, while you stress about his ex. While hes sleeping soundly, youre lying awake stressing about her.
Its time to put youre insecurities to rest. Whatever they did together, it was before you and he met, so its senseless being jealous really isnt it? You cant change the past. He wasnt abducted by her and forced into a relationship, he was with her because he wanted to be and he left when he found out what she was like. I cant imagine you waited in a gilded cage until he came along, but does he worry about your past? Probably not.
If you cant accept he has a past it might be worth talking to someone to help you cope with feelings of jealousy. Sometimes we have to sift thru dross to find the gold, thats what he did to find you, try and accept that and be happy. If you cant, speak to your partner about this problem and seek counselling x
...............................
|
