A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:awhile ago i met this guy; he was sweet enough, but a self confessed man whore so i brushed off his advances. our convos usually started with him asking if we could bang, but generally got into deeper more meaningful things once he got that out of the way. his gf, who he started dating when he was 15 and continued to be with for 6 years (during which they had 2 kids) cheated on him and left him for another man, taking his kids and custody of them with her. she was his first love, and the girl he lost his virginity too. after that happened he went kind of chick crazy, humping literally anything that was willing. I'm not generally any guys type, so i figured it was always just him trying to get his rocks off. I'd also like to point out i'm a virgin, and he knows this. about 6 months ago he moved back "home" to try to be around his kids more, it failed miserably. during the 6 months he was gone he was with one girl (who he dated when he was 13), who supposedly was going to break up with her current bf for him, but screwed him over. there was also another girl who he dated for less then a week, who he never slept with, before she cheated on him. he is now back here, and he's changed. he hasn't slept with anyone for almost 2 months (which is MAJOR for him, seeing as he used to have someone in his bed every night - 22+ girls in a year i believe he said). he's admitting what he did was wrong. last weekend i was at a bar with some friends of his, they gave me a ride home (we live close together). he was just leaving his friends house, so they get chatting and i'm about to leave. they ask where i'm going, i say home, and he's like "no, come to the store with us" so i agree, i have nothing better to do. after we get back from the store i am again trying to go home, not wanting to impose, and again he asks me where i'm going; i tell him and he says "why don't you come hang out, you'd just be sitting around at home anyways" which is true, so i go over. his buddy is there too, but he passes out; when he wakes up he goes home. his brother and parents are there, but they go to bed. me and him and having a crazy in depth conversation about our lives; he tells me about how he used to be, shows me his ex, his kids, the girl who screwed him over. he tells me about a near fatal accident that happened when he was a kid (it causes him to limp), about how he was teased about that. he was so into it, he didn't even realize his brother and friend had left. all the while we're flirting with each other, sharing stories, whatever. then he says "so you're really a virgin" and i'm like, 'oh great, here it comes; he hasn't changed' BUT he goes on to tell me about how his ex was his first, and he almost wishes someone else would have been his first so he wouldn't have been attached and hurt to badly when she left. our conversation topic kept jumping, and i told him about my cousin (who he knows) who is stereotypically perfect; blonde hair, blue eyes, 5'7", 130lbs, big boobs, etc. I told him i've always felt i was living in her shadow, and that when i was around her i was invisible to guys. he got the weirdest expression on his face, like a kid in a candy shop. I was like "what?!" he said "nothing..." still grinning, eventually i got it out of him and it went along the lines of him saying "I definitely think you're wrong about that, you're 10x the person she is. I would be with you." of course, i'm in shock. I've always liked him, he's an amazing person, but i avoided by feelings because of how much he slept around. i cant say anything and i'm damn sure i was blushing. he proceeded to say not to mention his liking me to my parents, because he didn't want them to look at him funny (we are all quite close, he is friends with my brother, so yea). we proceeded to talk about my virginity, and why i'd never lost it. it isn't because i'm saving it for any reason, things just never felt right. he asked if i was pretty much just waiting for my next boyfriend, and i said basically yes. I said i'd actually started to get so sick of my label that i had thoughts back to the summer when he had wanted to be with me, and i'd almost wished i had lost it with him. we talked about it for a bit, when it got onto the topic of friends with benefits; his idea.he said he wasn't ready for a relationship anytime soon, he was sick of being hurt, but he's male and has needs or whatever. he said eventually, if he met the right girl, he would be with her. he also mentioned "trying a pair of shoes before buying them" (as in sex before anything else) because sexual chemistry plays a big part in relationships, which is true. he said if i wasn't a virgin, he'd be trying to get with me right then. to top it off, he said if we ever did do it, he'd for sure be coming back for more. so basically he told me he wants to be my fwb, but it's my choice; he'd never force anything on me. this guy is CRAZY sweet, and i honestly wish all these girls hadn't messed him up for the rest of us that are decent and wouldn't want to hurt him. I want to be with him, in a relationship, not just screw him. he really respects my parents, is good friends with my brother, and i KNOW he's not the type of guy who would outright use me, because it would mess up everything with family. I dont think i plan on sleeping with him as fwb, i want to be in a relationship. I don't know what's going through his head... if he doesn't like me that way but would be my fwb cause it's convenient and we get along, or if he plans on dating me in the future; i don't know, and i want to. short of outright asking him, what do y'all think of the situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut he's not "playing" them; his tells them his intentions in the beginning. not one a single one of them has not been aware of it, and none of them like him any less. It's all very complicated; but he sleeps around, or did, he's not a player... There are no games involved.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): He's slept with 22+ girls in one year but he's not a player? What planet are you from?The average guy has less than 10 girls in a LIFETIME.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have talked to his ex's, he's still friends with them all. He's not some player, he's afraid of being hurt.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2011): hon, I doubt other girls messed him about as much as he is saying that for you to take pity on him so he can get what he wants. I'll bet you talk to any of his exes and they will shout out a long list of betrayals and heartbreak he leaves in his wake. Everyone experiences heartbreak and this may just be yours but you'll look back on the experience with new eyes and be less gullible in your future endeavors.
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reader, kaykay1989  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 Well I would say you need to be careful in this situation because of his reputation but also because he has mentioned He wants to mess about for a bit. I know he said that if he met the right one that he would stay but its a tough one to call. I would say if you want to go out with him its best to date for a while before you decide to jump into bed with him to make sure he's definately into a relationship with you.
If he waits then theres some indicatiion that he MIGHT be genuine you don't want to be another notch on his bed post. You have said that your not necessarily waiting for the right person, but I would suggest you do because as much as you really like this guy if he does use you, you will be heartbroken because you've liked him for such a long time.
I know that he knows your family and he's friends with your brother but just be cautious hopes this helps xoxoxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2011): I hate to say it, but I have a friend who is very similar to this so called "sweet" guy you are talking about. That said, and perhaps I am biased because of this friend, I think the guy you think is sweet is not so sweet at all. Forgive me for being blunt, but you are a conquest to him. The whole friends with benefits or "trying on a pair of shoes" thing should not ever come up at all if he wanted to date you. Trust me. The fact that sex is the first thing he ever talks about says exactly what it is he wants from you, however, since you are refusing those advances, he is going to use his wit and whatever charms he might have to get you to change your mind. Beware the he will date you "if" scenario. I say ditch him and save your viginity for an honest nice guy, not a fake one. Period.
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