A
female
age
41-50,
*opeful Romantic
writes:What do I do about a mother in law who is driving me crazy?She is very bossy and demanding. I cannot see her or even just talk to her w/o hearing a new baby demand or request...Here is a list:She tried to invite herself to my out of town shower - I don't see the need in her being at both.I was able to get out of that one.She asked if she could be in the delivery room. Luckily my husband said no to that one. But it sux, b/c I kinda wanted my mom in there w/ us, but now I would feel guilty to let my mom in there now that I know she wants in there and I don't want her to be.She expects to start being able to baby sit and have the baby spend the night w/ her starting no later than 4 months old... I have no idea when I'll be ready for that.She built herself a nursery and bought herself a new SUV as her baby mobile.And now she has informed us that she would like to stay with us for a whole week after the baby is born once my family leaves. (well, my family lives 9 hours away, so of course they get to stay, but she is only 35-40 minutes away and will see the baby all the time, unlike my family, so I don't see why she needs to stay that long)She also just doesn't say the right things... like one day she made the comment that if my baby comes out red headed, that I'll have some explaining to do.... (when we both have some red heads on both sides of our family!!)There is also already future holiday complications w/ her expecting the baby to be w/ her for every first holiday ... she's going to have to realize she has to share holidays w/ my family too (b/c they are out of town.) Yet, beings that they are out of town, she will get to see our baby A LOT more than my family will.She's also demanded that she be called Granny and her husband be called Pops. She said she doesn't care what my mom wants to be called, but she has dibs on Granny!! ... WTF? ...I am very nice to her despite how much she drives me crazy, but I could use some advice as to how to handle her. ... she will be a huge part of our babie's life, but considering I haven't even had him yet, I have no idea how I'm going to feel or what I'm going to be ok with once he's in my arms. I just need for her to calm down, back off a little, and wait until I'm ready to be seperated from him. (hard to imagine though considering I am currently connected to him and all I want to do is hold him forever) :)Surely someone out there also suffers from a smother-in-law, please help.
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female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (6 May 2012):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the question You are welcome for the update and I am sure you are a great grandmother. :) You give good, normal advice.
Just to let you know, we did let Granny stay with us a couple of nights after we got home with the baby. She did help out. She did drive me nuts, but I was super nice and never let her know that she drove me nuts... she mostly drove me crazy just because she would never put the baby down or let me hold him really and I wasn't ready for that considering he was still a newborn... now at 9 months, sure go ahead and take him for a few hours and have fun :)- but I wasn't ready to not hold him when he was so new. However, I was the good daughter in law & let her be a huge part of his birth and home bringing, so I hope she enjoyed it - I'm sure she did.
And sure, when I was pregnant, I was SUPER hormonal and the littlest things would get to me - she is the most demanding, bossy person I know... my husband even admits it, so I know it's not just me. LOL -
I have never in my life tried so hard to like someone and be nice to them.
And though she doesn't babysit as much as I thought she would try to, she finds new things to try and make demands on. LOL... it will never end. :)
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 May 2012):
 Thanks for the update. With some people it's always feast or famine but think in your case it's mostly has turned out for the best. Give the little guy a kiss for me. I'm the grandmother of 9 soon to be 10.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (4 May 2012):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFunny, now that our baby is 9 months old, she has babysat at our house 2 or 3 times and only 3 times at her house...
seems like she is now too busy to babysit -
she asks when she gets to babysit again, I ask her when she wants to - then she gives me a list of her weekends, which are all booked up and puts me off for 3 months...
not sure why she even asked if she's so busy.
So my fears were silly, really, beings that she doesn't even have time for him now that he is in the world.
Seems like she wanted to spend all her time with him when he was a 7 pound newborn, but now that he is a 23 pound 9 month old, he is too heavy for her & now that her back and knees are bad, she can't hold him.
Crazy how things work out.
I would have never guessed that the one person begging to be the big babysitter, doesn't have time for him now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (2 May 2011):
With pushy women (ones you can't get away from, like MILs) you need to learn how to turn a deaf ear on their demands. In other words let all her future plans go in one ear and out the other. Just say "we'll see once the baby comes". Don't commit one way or another. Unless she's a total idiot she'll understand she isn't getting anywhere. Good luck, I know you'll be just fine.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (29 April 2011):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are absolutely right. And I appreciate your advice. :)
But I still wish she would chill out on the future requests.
For some stupid reason it stresses me out & I know I don't need stress.
I need to figure out how to tell her that I feel crowded & I have no idea how I'm going to feel, so we can't make those future plans right now.
I want to be able to see her and talk to her w/o hearing MORE baby demands. :( ... b/c those demands make me dread being around her (the MIL).
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (29 April 2011):
You will be in control of your child. You will say when she babysits, you will decide where you spend which holiday. You will dress the baby as you see fit. You will decorate the baby's room the way you want. You will make it clear you are in charge. People can't walk all over you UNLESS you allow it. Let her ramble on all she wants but once the baby arrives I'm sure you'll feel the strength to put your foot down. Giving birth will empower you.
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (29 April 2011):
Hopeful Romantic is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand that she will be a huge part in babysitting when we need that. I just can't stress enough as to how overwhelming, demanding and intruding she is.And I just don't like the future plans that she is trying to set in stone before I even have the baby. Plus, by the time my family leaves after a week or so (who live 9 hours away), I am pretty sure we will be just about tired of spend the night company and will not be ready to have anyone, much less his overbearing mother stay with us for yet another week. I honestly, and sadly do not see her wanting to stay with us to "help" me out, I see her wanting to stay with us out of her own selfish wants. I see her staying a night or 2, but a week - when she doesn't live far away, is insane. If I try to give her a duty, I can actually see her telling her son, my husband to do the deed. PS - Did I mention that she always says, "I don't want to intrude, but..." ... then gives another baby request... well, usually if you have to use that phrase in a sentence, you are intruding.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (29 April 2011):
 Burn her out."Granny, we need to go to the Dr's than the drug store, then grocery and oh ya we just have to get that new bunting bag I saw in the store window in the next city"Oh, can you paint the baby's room tomorrow, on no, not next week, has to be done tomorrow, and can you make sure it's the egg shell, not the velvet paint, hate that stuff""Boy oh boy my back is killing me can you get my the heating pad oh and a tea and wait can you put this in the laundry, did you pick up the new curtains from, I have a package to send but we have to go to the post office, it's huge."blaaaablaaabllaaaaaKeep up with Granny's demands by giving her more. Pull a Bree Van De Kamp and you'll soon own all the power.But be careful, you may find Granny a blessing when it comes to taking care of baby when you need to be babied.
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