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female
,
anonymous
writes: I need help!! :( You see, I have this friend who I love to death, but not the way he loves me! A few months ago we got drunk and started fooling around. We slept together but it was his first time. He is now totally mad on me and I can't help thinking it's not the right thing to do! But in a way I think I fancy him.Now you think that's messed up? I am 25 and he is 19! HELP! My head is so messed up, my friends say I should just tell him straight that it's not going to happen, but I really don't want to hurt him and I know it will!What will I do?Any replies will be gratefully received. :) xx
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (26 February 2006):
 Oh dear, what a mess, you have taken his virginity and now you realise you dont want him, but he has fallen for you and thinks you are the best thing in his world.
You first need to soul search about how you really do feel about him, you say you love him but as a friend then say your not sure, well before you break his heart you better be sure, he is not as experienced as you and so is naturally taking his lead from you, be careful once you tell him you dont want him, you really have to be certain you dont.
If you dont like him enough to date him then tell him fast and tell him you got carried away with the mood, the drink ect and that you really loved him as a friend and you are sorry it all got out of hand but friendship is all that you are offering him,. be firm and no mixed messages or false hopes.
I do sympathise with you as i too in the past have done the same and it really is not easy but has to be done asap, good luck and learn your lesson, no drinking with virgins!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): Unless you feel like becoming his girlfriend, you are going to have to hurt his feelings in the short-term. It can't really be avoided, but the sooner you do it, the easier it'll be for him. Messing around with friends can be a bad thing, but it's double-plus-ungood if there's a virginal party involved, because there are the already extant warm, friendly feelings mixed in with that delusional, first-time ecstasy. Your friend no doubt really thinks the rush of excitement he feels is true loooooooooooooove when it's more like the thrill of having accomplished a rite of passage.
So explain to your friend that you're not interested in going further, and maybe explain that what he thinks that "love" he feels is really just his reeling from his first sexual experience, and then let him cool off for a while; i.e. leave him be to come down from this high he's on.
Good luck.
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