A
female
age
36-40,
*zredbone
writes:Dear Cupid,I met this guy last September(2008),and we dated for about 3 months.The first time we got intimate with each other was kinda weird for me.It was unexpected yet great.He performed oral sex on me,he is the pleaser type guy.I was enjoying it so much I couldn't hold it in anymore,i wanted him so badly,but when the foreplay was over i looked at his penis and realized it was so small.When I saw that ,it turned me off completly,and ever since then,i havent been able to get turned on by him unless he is giving me oral sex.I didnt have sex with him that night or any other night.I wanted to tell him about it but i'm so scared to tall him that i dont want to have sex with him because of his penis size.Size matters to me.We have still managed to be just friends since December2008,but he just recently told me that he wants me be to be his girlfriend and that he is in love with me, Should I be honest and tell him?
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male
reader, tuffers  +, writes (17 September 2009):
I am sorry that what I am going to say may upset you---no I'm not. The sooner the guy is shot of you the better. I have read the responses to your question and I note the word "shallow" has been used. That is the understatement of the year What makes you think that you have the perfect body that every man would lust after. Has your boyfriend made comments about your "Warts" and imperfections to you?Love and affection is not about trivial things but about respect for your partner/ lover. You chose to go to bed with the guy so treat him with a bit of regard.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2009): No person is the same. Every person has their own preferences when it comes to sexual partners. Its understandable that you don't want to have sex with this guy because he doesn't have everything that you are looking for. That's your choice as a woman.... I dont think you should come right out and say that he has midget dick syndrome. You should just say that he doesn't have everything that you are looking for in a companion. Let him know that he's a nice guy but frankly you aren't interested
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): No, don't tell him. If you just don't feel turned on, sure you can't be his girlfriend, but telling him that you don't want to have sex with him because he has a small penis will be very hurtful, probably more than you can understand.
And if he asks you if size is the issue, you should say that it isn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): Well you have received some all ecompassing answers, so I will just add my vote on the matter.
Why would you want to wound this man's ego by telling him his penis is to small. The problem is in your mind, not in his penis.
Take responsibility for your own weaknesses and tell him you just don't want a relationship right now and ask him not to contact you again, as it would be too hard to see him any more and then leave it at that, leave his dignity alone.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): It might help to parse the topic so as to avoid confusion over the meaning of some passages. Thus:
PHYSICAL
If size is something that would dictate to you whether or not you could maintain a meaningful relationship with someone then consider this: your size. The vagina has a nearly unparalleled ability to expand and contract when stimulated accordingly. Something as simple as the introduction of the pinky finger while he goes down on you and your body will adjust to a shape and size more befitting. Don't forget, sex exists in the natural world for procreation, and just as our minds have developed a vast roadmap of neuro pathways, your body has learned many, many evolutionary failsafes to help facilitate procreation along the way.
MENTAL
If you find that this is not enough, or you completely refute my advice in a metaphorical musing likening the situation to motions, oceans, England, and rowboats, then perhaps consider this: Why am I turned off? Am I turned off because I know I won't enjoy this? Am I afraid this might be too embarrassing for me/him/us? Am I just hung up on size of size's sake? Are you reacting out of fear, anxiety, ignorance, or logic? Picture the perfect penis (wow, unique alliteration there). Not the biggest that you can hold in your mind, but what you think would just fit absolutely perfectly in your body, touch all the right places without leaving you like a thanksgiving turkey sans stuffing. Now refer back to the section marked PHYSICAL.
Not enough?
SPIRITUAL
Then you don't want to be with him. Our bodies are magnificent things, capable of granting us untold pleasures, but they are only vessels of our consciousness. Relationships are the means by which most of our species finds love. Love is, just for the record, the unconditional acceptance of another human being. There are different physical and mental manifestations of love, but thats the whole show, in a nutshell. We spend time together, we 'date', because we are fearful, suspicious creatures (though not at all exclusively to our detriment) and we require extended contact with another before we can judge whether we trust them enough to open all of our wounds, old and new, for them should the ask it of us. This is honesty, and it's terrifying, as you already know. Obviously the right path is not pretending like nothing is wrong, but neither is it saying to someone, unequivocally, 'I can't be with you because parts of your body aren't the shape I would like them to be." These are excuses we invent for ourselves to ground our choices in reality, on something that effectively cannot be changed, and thus we relinquish responsibility in our decisions. If size is THAT important to you, then clearly you are a sensual being that takes great joy in ecstasy and pleasure. Nothing wrong with that. But should relationships be built on ecstasy and pleasure? They should certainly, at their best, contain ample amounts of both, but only because these are fleeting things, swept away with moments and desire. Healthy, lasting relationships rarely begin or end between sheets. You have to explore your physical possibilities. You've seriously judges a book by its cover on this one, or, maybe more accurately, its storyline by its thickness. If you think this could be worth it, than please examine every avenue before you make a conceited action. If its not worth it, then you can tell him its not there for you (the spark, I mean. Not...you know) and you'd like to remain friends. It's not shallow, or unprincipled, or ignorant, it's logical. Don't lower yourself to anything else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2009):
 I would tell him that you don't like him as much as he likes you. Don't string him along.
I would NOT tell him:" hey, dude I'm dumping you because you are too small."
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 September 2009):
 Let him go; you're not turned on by him, and it would be a great pity to let this man spend his life trying to please a woman who doesn't find him attractive. There are plenty of women out there who would be thrilled to have him and he deserves to be entirely accepted and loved for himself.
Do NOT tell him that he's too small for you; there's no point in that. Just tell him that you don't feel that sexual attraction to him, though you do care about him. That's true enough and won't wound him as deeply as you telling him that his penis just doesn't do it for you. THAT would just be cruel. He can't do anything about his size.
The thing I'd like to point out is that you have no idea how intercourse with him would feel; you've made an assumption based on a visual inspection. I wouldn't try to fix that now, you sound so turned off already, but keep that in mind for the next guy. Don't lead this one on, let him down gently as possible, but don't let him keep false hope. If you're a size girl, you're a size girl. He's not the right fit for you in that case.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): Okay so you have never even tried to have sex with him and you are rating him as a lover.
It sounds pretty shallow to be honest, for all you know he may actually know how to use what he has as opposed to guys who are hung like horses but couldnt please a woman if their life depended on it.
In any case if your willing to reject him just because of his penis size then I think you should tell him because it will make it easier for him to get over you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): no, no, no! You can tell him that you just dont feel that special spark that he's 'the one,' or something along that line but DO NOT MENTION HIS PENIS SIZE!! If it is brought up tell him that love is not based on penis size. This is the one issue that guys are hyper sensitive about, and they would get over you talking bad about their ma before their sidekick! And DONT tell all of your friends either...it WILL get back to him. Be kind.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): Stop being so shallow, if you like the guy his penis size shouldn't matter, you don't deserve him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2009): How big is he roughly?
The average penis is about 5-6 inches long and about 5 inches in girth.
You don't need to tell him you don't want to be with him because of his size (he'll suspect that anyway). Just say you're not ready for a relationship.
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