A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First note; Usually when I ask about my problem online, I tend to lie about my age (I am 16), making myself older. Why? When I am truthful about it, it seems that my experience or feelings are invalid, that I'm too young, or something of that nature.So, my best friend and I started dating when I was 14-15 (he was a grade older). It lasted for a year and half, and I can say that it ended terribly. The first few months were very peaceful. Our high school is rather small, so we usually just hung out with just each other, becoming really REALLY dependent on each other, to the extent that we stopped branching out to others. When my family and I made the decision that I should go to boarding school, he was furious (I wasn't happy in the beginning either). I became a subject to verbal abuse, and sometimes physical when I saw him back at home. I had to do his algebra homework, and he would call so much that I only had time to do my homework and talk to him, and he expected that I should not make new friend in my school, and just be like we were before. I was friends with a lot of people in my dorm during the school day, but I had to ignore them while I was in the dorm because of him. He also refused for me to have guy friends (though I went to an all-girls school...), which was so hypocritical because he would suddenly start hanging out with all the girls from his school (my old school), which he never did, and a lot of the guys, ignoring me for video game with them when i would call. Sometimes he would mention that some of the girls are interested in him, or that they asked to fool around...I do admit I contributed to some of the problems, but this was too much. After breaking up, however, I wanted my things back since I gave him a lot of sentimental objects that would only be valued by me, but he would refuse to, trying to coax me back in the relationship and saying that "I love you and only I love you." This lasted a couple months until summer last year.It's been six months since I've made any communication with him...And basically my issue has been getting him off my mind.When I'm at school, I'm usually good about this since I have my friends' company, and busy with extracurriculars. But somethings trigger memories, and even though he has done so much bad to me, I wish I still had him as a friend... or even as a boyfriend, because it was always nice to come back home to someone who gave you that sort of attention (when he was actually nice, I mean.)I still haven't gotten my things back, but I've gotten over that.Another thing that prevents me from getting over him is just bitterness, resentment. I feel he has completely benefited while he left me with nothing! At that high school, it was both of us' first time there, and he was somewhat antisocial (I would talk to my classmates, participate in sports etc). I helped him out with his grades, given so much of my effort towards him and making him happy, only to have received nothing back, be bullied around, and now have him be popular, and probably nice to his new girlfriend. (Which I am assuming, when he tried coaxing me back he apparently got rid of some of the bad habits, like video gaming) He's probably spread some nasty things about me (it really depends, if he had enough respect for me as he always tried acting like he did, he wouldn't have, but if he's vengeful as he shows he did), and whenever I go home I always see the girls from his school that flirted with him... which extremely pisses me off, as they all seemed nice to me when I was there, and soon as I go, knowing that I was dating him, they're all over him!!Another thing he said to me is that I'm too ugly for any other guy to ever want to date... and that he's the only one who sees the beauty in me, therefore the only guy who would ever want to date me. After a while, it seems very true...Is there something wrong with my thinking? After 6 months should I have gotten over him?Sometimes I do feel that I'll never find anyone that'll like me again... Thank you for taking time to read this whole situation...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2009): To those who have replied;
Thank you.
Like I stated, I was very dependent on him (even after making friends in my new school) so yes, what he said about me being ugly should've made me realized how bad he was, but I honestly couldn't let go, despite how terrible he was to me. He was my first love, and I was determined to work it out.
I will take your guys' advice and focus on my success, family, and friends! And thank you Priyalee, I was worried that how was I feel was abnormal but seeing what you experienced I hope that I too will sooner or later be able to get over him.
Thanks for the support baybeegurl_x, Uncle Phil, Western3589, and Priyalee!
A
female
reader, baybeegurl_x  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 forget him. honestly! i cannot believe he was so rude and inconsiderate to tell you that you're 'too ugly for any other guy to date' he sounds like a right loser.
you're not ugly, every girl is beautiful in her own way!
get out there, make him jealous, get a new boyfriend, do well in your life, dont get mad get even.
success is the best revenge.
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2009): "Another thing he said to me is that I'm too ugly for any other guy to ever want to date... and that he's the only one who sees the beauty in me, therefore the only guy who would ever want to date me. After a while, it seems very true..."
This statement alone should have alarm bells ringing in your ears! If you're that ugly why did he date you in the first place? He's doing his best to bring you down, to make you feel worthless, and it looks like he's doing a good job of it so far. He's not a nice person. Hanging on to your stuff so that you have to go and see him is blackmail.
You're much better off without him, and once you get him out of your head you'll be able to move on and find someone who shows you respect. This guy isn't, not by any stretch of the imagination.
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A
female
reader, Priyalee +, writes (3 January 2009):
If he is your first love then it is likely you will never be completely over him. What you can do in the meantime is go out with your school friends and have fun. Even if you have to pretend to be over him and having a good time you will see that you won't have to pretend anymore. It took me two years for the aching in my heart to go away and I still think of my first love occasionally (i'm 28). Giving myself a makeover and forcing myself to make new friends helped a lot too!
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A
male
reader, Western3589 +, writes (3 January 2009):
 You should try dating other guys and find somone better hopefully to get your mind off him. But you should really make sure you guys are done for ever and if he has a new girlfriend.
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