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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Ok hi. So, my whole life i've never had anger in me. I would feel sadness and joy but it was almost impossible to make me angry. I have always forgiven easily and quickly, and truely forgotten. I had hope in people and saw the good in them. I was insecure, I admit, painfuly so. (chest pains). I trusted pretty much everyone around me except those closest to me. (fear of getting hurt but I feel that's pretty normal). But now, I don't trust anyone not a single soul. I forgive but i don't forget and don't think I even really move on. I hate to be around people because I feel they are all insincere and fake and well i'd rather be alone anyway. I'm very angry with certain people, and towards other, I am numb; indifferent. I still don't lash out at anyone, but I do feel the anger. When someone hurts me, I blow it off and don't care. I feel nothing. There have been some occurances that may have caused this, but i don't feel that's important. What I want to know is, has anyone else felt this? Does anyone know how I can go back to being myself again? I don't want to be like this!! I hate it!!!!!!!!Thank you so much.. oh and also.. i can't do therapy. My mom tried to put me in when i was younger and the doc. actually refused to see me anymore because he felt I would never talk to him. And he's right. I never would have.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 August 2009):
 Well, I am not a Doctor. A depression is a pretty normal thing. You should check out the reason WHY you are having panic attacks.
Your hormones are going to be in flux for a while yet, you are exhausted, and your body takes about THREE years to recover to it's pre-birth state! You should be as loving with yourself and your own health as you are being with your own baby right now. In other words - Take care of yourself and if you ARE concerned about anything, in ANYway that you are reacting, and questioning yourself, that you should talk it out with a real live human doctor.
They pretty much went through all that training to help people! Take care!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDo I really sound depressed?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (15 August 2009):
Oh, Hun,
That's just the technical term for them. Whenever you start going over thing in your head, you get a tightening in your chest and your heart races - and that's called a panic attack. It is due to anxiety, and fear of loss of control over whatever in your head is causing it!
I'm sure that you are very sweet with you little one, dear! These issues don't define You or Your personality at all! But as Renee said, you do sound depressed and you are obviously having panic attacks over something in your life that you need to clear up. There must be some close who you can sort things through with, and there ARE good doctors out there - you just have to do the work and sorting to get to the one who you 'click' with. I hope you can find someone whom you trust and confide in and sort it all out. Your baby needs you 100% and right now, you do sound troubled.
Hugs,
Birdy
XXX
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A
female
reader, Renee okc  +, writes (15 August 2009):
Well honey i wish you could go out and yell and all your problems would be solved. You sound depressed and life isn't easy so maybe you should see about getting on some medication to help you through the day to day just try to relax and enjoy life. What I don't want is for you to be a victim for anyone trying to take advantage of you, those are the ones I want you to yell at. I am happy to hear you are great with the baby to bad everyone can't be as sweet. Your right these dr's now and days could care less what happens as long as they are getting paid you just make sure you handle your business and if you feel things are getting worse then go seek some help sometimes you have to let others help you even when you dont want the help
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell guys, thanks a lot for your words first of all, and secondly, the reason i won't talk to a proffesional, is because they don't need to know all these details about my life! Face it, they don't care! They're getting paid and once I stop the cash flow, they couldn't care less what happens to me. If I tell someone something about me, that preson has to extrememly close to me. So far, i've only spilled things out once.. i was drunk. The second and last time i've ever been drunk because I hate drinking.
But anyway.. I told you the outline, leaving out the personal stuff you may find a little offputting.. i thought the outline was good enough and i've gotten good responses so far.. but it may be makng it difficult for you so i'm sorry.
Birdy-- well, i have confronted my issues but i like to keep them to myself. Plus, i'm sure i'm not the only person who has trouble voicing the touchy feely stuff.. you know?
And what about these panic attacks? Maybe i don't know what they are, but i wouldn't guess that was them, because i wasn't panicking.. or breathing hard it jsut hurt when i would start to think poorly of myself.
Lol.. you could say my first primary relatoinship wasn't very well formed i suppose..
um.. I can't remember what i was going to say..
oh! Renee.. I wish I could just yell at the people making me angry, but I know I can't. A couple of them, don't deserve my anger.. i have NO IDEA where it's coming from and the others well.. i've tried acting sweet, sad, hurt, frustrated a little.. and it always makes things worse. So i can only imagine that yelling would turn into something aweful.
Are there any activities.. exercizes.. i don't know anything to calm me.. overally calm me down.. I am really sweet with my daughter.. I want to be that way with everyone. (minus the babytalk of course!)
Thanks for taking time on me though.. i really appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (14 August 2009):
Ok let me get this straight you wont talk to a professional, but you are willing to take our advice I guess its because we can't look you in the eye . I was once like you, I trusted everyone and anything they said until I started getting into major drama due to other people that I had around me. Now I know the truth you can't really trust anyone. I don't think you can go back to being as trusting as you once were and that is ok this means you are growing up and seeing what the world is really like other than through rose colored glasses. Just do what makes you happy and start telling people how you really feel once you get all the real anger out then you will find your mood will go back to the way it use to be don't get me wrong this doesn't work for everyone but I personally found that once I starting accepting things as they were I healed and moved on and haven't look back. Never let a person take advantage of you ever for any reason.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (14 August 2009):
Well, I would love to tell you that you can eat your cake and have it still, but that's not true. You have to break some eggs to make a cake. You want a bunch of total strangers to clear this up for you, and we don't know you. That's what a clinical psychotherapist does.
Here's the thing, you may not yet want to confront your issues, still, and that's why you refuse to talk to a professional in order to get it sorted.
If I can take a gamble, I'd say that there was some kind of abuse or disconnect between you and your Mom. Having trust issues can often be linked to not having a good primary relationship. And the chest pains that you are feeling are anxiety, probably panic attacks. I remember them from my mid-twenties.
Although there are some programs (informercial) that sell anxiety cd's that you can listen to that will walk you through things, you would be be served by talking with someone else. It's like anything else in life, what you put into things is what you get out of things. Not dealing with this may turn you into a very lonely person, and from the sound of your letter, you are very bright and articulate and would be able to attract lots of friends, which in turn, would make you happier - I think. You should try to rethink your own position on talking to a professional. Sorry, I get that you said not to say this, but that is my own opinion on your problem, and I figure that you want to hear what people out here are thinking.
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