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anonymous
writes: I'm 36, have 2 teenage kids from previous marraige.5.5 years ago I met this wonderful man (on the internet)who treated me and my kids fantasticly.I fell in love with him and moved 350 miles away from my friends and family to live with him.We have a wonderful sex life and an even better relationship up until about 6 months ago.He is 44,he has been married twice and has a 20 year old son from 1st marraige.He fell out with him 3 years ago and we havnt seen him since!He has had several relationships before me none of them lasting more than 5 years.At the moment i am hurting very much,he tells me we are finished but I dont think his reasons are why he thinks we are over.Everything he says he dosnt like about me I ave tried to change.I have put on a bit of wieght (2stone actually) but i am still the same person!When I moved in at first I got a job straight away,I soon worked my wy up and quickly became a manager earning very good money.At the same time we set up a business which took off much faster than we anticipated,his son was leaving school so it was ideal for him to come and work for us.This didnt workout though so i eventually gave up my job to work for the business.that was 3 years ago.I have never really felt 100% involved and anything I suggest is never good enough!We work with the public and if i upset my partner in any way,he dosnt care who hears him belittle me.He slams things down so as it draws attention to us,he comes right up into my face and speeks to me through gritted teeth,etc etc.Now if things arnt right between us he dosnt even wake me up for work and leaves me at home.This suites me tho because then im not walking on eggshels all day.He thinks I am being lasy and has started saying that i dont earn any money,this hurts me alot.I am waiting on appt for an operation and havnt been in the best health this year but I am doing my best.When i suggest i go and get a job he tells me I couldnt hold one down because of my health.He calls me all kinds of nasty names and is really hurting me.I dont want to leave him because I know he is nice really and when he is in a good mood he is lovely.It was his birthday last week and he didnt even open his presents,we spent the day arguing even tho i tried to make it nice.It is my daughters birthday 3 days later and he was agin moaning all day ong saying he had a headache.I told him to go home for a sleep (we were at work)When got home he was in a better mood and we all went out for dinner and had a good time with friends.we have argued since then though.Sometimes i think whats the point ging on like this and other times I am trying to find out why he is like this.The kids are fed up too with him constantly moaning at them especially my daughter who just turned 14 and came back to live with us 6 weeks ago after living at her dads for 4 months.My son is 16 very easy going but is getting to the stage he is fed up seeing me upset because of something my partner has said to me.HELP,I dont think i want to split up.I want to save us and get back the man i fell in love with.If we split i have no where to go,We have no family who can take us in.I would value any advice from anyone and i'm sorry it is such a long post.He seems to think he is doing nothing wrong.
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at work, fell in love, money, moved in, sex life, split up, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (23 April 2005):
 He is doing something wrong. He is hurting you. He tells you the things he doesn't like about you (does he tell you anything that he does like?) He is intimidating and belittling in public (is he like that at home too?)He insults you and calls you nasty names (does he ever say anything nice to you?)He moans a lot (but do you have many good times together?) It doesn't sound too good. You know he can be lovely but does the bad outweigh the good? Have you considered that he may have been like this before with previous relationships? Or perhaps he is suffering from a form of depression that he needs help with?There are several things you could do. You could go for couple couselling if he is amenable to the idea.You could put up with the way he is in the meek hope he will change.You could contact your old friends and get some outside support and call his bluff by screwing up your guts and saying to him that unless he is prepared to sort himself out and start treating you the way you deserve to be treated, then you are off anyway, whether he wants to finish with you or not.He is not treating you right. You could try to unravel why but he needs to talk to you about it. You could suggest you both sit down and discuss what is happening, you are prepared to listen because you love him.Even though your kids are young adults, it isn't fair on them as I'm sure you know. He needs to be aware of this too. If he cares, he will talk. Remind him of how he used to be and try to find out what has changed.I hope this helps.
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