A
female
age
41-50,
*oraatuha
writes:I am 29 living with my two young sisters. They are 26 and 24 respectively.We lost our mother when we were young and since then I have grown up pretty fast.. I was 16 when she died.I have been there for them through thick and thin , however I think they are beginning to take me for granted.My brother who follows me has already married with his own family.Even when I have tried to be successful , I must admit I have failed pretty miserably. However am still hanging own. But in all of those challenges that life has thrown at me, I have been there for them.Trouble is, they dont want to grow up. I am now pregnant and will be giving birth in december and soon to move in with my boyfriend...but they cant stop making me feel guilty, like I am abandoning them.These are grown up women, but cant be able to help me on the chores yet am pregnant. when I speak out, they pull the silent treatment on me in my house...making me very uncomfortable.They dont like my bf and I don't mind...but he provides me with so much ....which they cant provide.....But when I mention something about their lives, they will go quiet and silent and angry with me.These days I avoid my house, so that their negative energy doesn't affect me.....I don't want to get stressed because I am pregnant.So what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (22 September 2013):
 You are their sister not their mother. You've had a hard time of it and done an amazing thing raising your siblings but now, Honeypie is right, you have to set them free.
Sit them down and explain that you took care of them when mum passed away to save them being put into care, split up etc but now they're grown women and must stand on their own two feet.
Tell them you will always love them and be their to offer them love and support but it's now time for you to have a life of your own with your boyfriend and your baby.
Tell them that it's not reasonable for you to be picking up and looking after them anymore and that they are staying in your house and must respect it.
Let them know how miserable they're making you and it's not fair considering how much you've done for them. Remind them that you are not asking them for anything in return but expect them to now be independent.
Help them to check the papers and the net for a place of their own and offer practical advice on setting up their own home.
If they don't like it, tough! You had to survive as an adult and raise 3 younger siblings at 16! They're in their 20's and behaving like stroppy teenagers. They should be ashamed of themselves.
You are a wonderful sister and role model and will be a fantastic mother to your baby.
I wish you, your boyfriend and your little one a very happy future. I'm sure your Mum would be very proud of you.
I hope this helps AB x
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 September 2013):
 It's all they know or rather it's been all they know the last 13 years. Many people don't like change. Certainly not when it means THEY have to all of a sudden be responsible for themselves. No one really wants to grow up, unless they have to.
Try and think of it as setting them "free" not abandoning them.
Why can't they help with chores? Sure they CAN, they just don't want to. Or rather they are trying to "punish" you for taking flight.
Give it time. They will have to learn to stand on their own two feet and hopefully you taught them well enough to figure out how to do that.
It will be OK. They will be OK.
Let them be silent at you. It's OK, but don't let it stop you from doing what YOU need to do for YOU.
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