A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It's my sister's wedding this weekend and I really don't want to go. I'll tell you why.I got engaged to my fiance two and a half years ago and we're getting married in seven weeks. Around this time last year, my younger sister and her boyfriend announced that they were going to get married a few weeks before us. They did this to steal our thunder, no other reason. They've been together since they were fourteen and he's cheated on her at least once because he was caught in the act and everyone suspects that he's done it numerous times after that. They have a child together but he ignores him and he also refuses to sleep with my sister because she's 'fat'. He's also had a talk with her about, and I quote, "When I want to divorce you I'll just tell you and not bother cheating." Well, it's nice to know he's thinking long-term. See, it's not for love. It's just to steal my thunder. I was just getting over it when the worst thing happened. My parents promised me £2000 to put towards my wedding. Of course, when my sister announced her wedding they also promised her £2000 as well. My parents started having trouble getting the money together so I just told them to give me what they could. About a month ago I received a call from my parents. My grandfather let my Mum cash in her savings account so that my sister and I would get some financial help for the wedding. Apparently, there was £3000 in the account so the fair thing to have done would to have been to split it, right? Not in my Mum's eyes. She gave £2000 to my sister and £100 to me. Yes £100! She spent the rest on herself. Can you believe it? Apparently, the reason was that my sister has said that if she didn't get the money then she wouldn't let my Mum and Dad see their grandchild. Another reason was that my sister didn't have anywhere else to get the money from. And I do? My sister had money from both my granddads and my aunt and uncle. She did that by playing them off against each other. My fiance's parents did great and gave us £3000 towards it. Because I was angry, I told my fiance's parents what my parents had done and they are appalled and don't intend to have anything to do with my parents at our wedding. I don't really want my parents to attend my wedding because of the whole thing but it wouldn't look good on my part if they were not there.Now my sister's wedding is this weekend and I really don't want to attend and neither does my fiance. Should we not got or should we?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2009): I wouldnt go. I was 17 when I got pregnat I am 44 today anyhow we wanted to get married, I was refused help for the wedding today we are still together with another child. Well two years ago my sister got married at the age of 31 with a huge cinderella wedding my kids were in the wedding party and boy do i regret going!! Just seeing what she got and what I didnt, now she is pregnant she is having a baby shower I never did with my two I am not going. top it off they dont even have there own place my parents opened their doors for them I have been homeless when younger with kids never was the door opened for us so now I have finally got the gutz to tell them all to go to hell, should have done it sooner, so what ever anger you have girl let it out the later you wait the more you will regret it! Tell em off Girl!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): Go to the wedding. She is your sister and it is important that you support her on her big day. Your are the older sibling, be a good example to her. It is not worth starting a feud that can go on for years or even forever.
You should get over the fact that your parents gave her more money for the wedding than they gave you. It is understandable that your feelings are hurt; however, they are not required to help pay for your wedding. If you are old enough to get married then the financial responsibility for your wedding is your's and your fiance's not your parents.
It could be that the reason they gave her more is that they have more confidence in your capabilities than they do in her's. If she is marrying a loser then it is understandable why they trust your decisions better than hers.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): You should have handled the money situation more maturely, i.e just gone round to CONFRONT your parents and your mother in particular not bitch about them to your in laws. Also she is your sister, she has been with him since they were fourteen, sure they have a few issues, but who doesn't, go to her wedding, at least theirs is first so the whole spotlight will be on you on yours, as the guests would've already been and done 'the other sister's' weddiong so enjoy it :)
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A
female
reader, justme..x +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Yes go to her wedding - simply because, despite everything, she is your sister. Your flesh and blood sister - I really think that you will regret it if you don't go. And your not turning up may not be something she will forgive.I'm sorry about what happened, it sounds as if your sister behaved very competitively and childishly. I agree with DrPhysch though - the cash doesn't matter in comparison to the quality of the marriage. It sounds like you and your fiancee are a lot more stable and ready for commitment than they are. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with postponing the big day until you have more money to put towards it.Good luck with everything - and chin up xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 August 2009):
 Honestly, your sister is welcome to the cash because she is marrying a loser and no amount of money for the big day will make up for the heart-break that comes afterwards. You have to demonstrate some maturity in this whole situation - a wedding is just one day out of your life. The best thing to do is to put your own wedding on hold to get the money together to do things your way. If you are old enough for marriage, you are old enough to arrange things yourself without parental hand-outs. My parents never gave me money towards my wedding. The fact that your sister gets money doesn't matter - you know her marriage is going to be a disaster and as a good sister you should sit back in the shadows to pick up the pieces when he leaves her. I feel sorry for her child mixed up in such a mess personally. I wouldn't start moaning about your parents to the in-laws as you don't know how that will get out of hand and what it impression it leaves with them. I married my husband amongst a family war (I shall spare you the details) but I always refrained from saying bad stuff about my parents to my husband and his family (and vice-versa). It can all get out of hand and trigger needless family feuds that can go on for years. Take a deep breath, turn up at the wedding (in a stunning dress if it makes you feel better!) and suspend your own special day until you can afford to make it special.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2009): You have one chance to go your sisters wedding. If you arent happy for her then dont go, but be prepared to regret it.
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