A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My sister-in-law has asked me out for what I thought was gratitude for taking care of her child some time ago. We have gone out twice. The last time instead she floored me claiming relationship problems she's having with my brother. That he's in contact with his ex.I have always advised her to deal with him. I guess it worked because my brother ponied up what I guess she wanted as a sign of commitment. He really did!A few months ago as she put out her cheek for a goodbye kiss from me, as she is sometimes in the mood of doing, she turned her neck as far as it could go and she also went for my hand and grabbed it twice and pressed. The last time there was a kerfuffle she called from their car crying, claiming my brother had made her feel old (she's not, in her 30's and hot) and that he had said he was after a waitress. She asked me if she should just take off as she had gone to pick him up on his night out with colleagues. I asked her to wait for him and bring him home instead and to pick up the kids who were staying with me. They have two young kids now.Because of the hand incident I confronted my brother that same night and he claimed that he had not said that she was old and that he was not after a pretty chick. He was inebriated though. She had asked me not to convey the conversation to him. When my brother asked her if she had told me anything she lied right in front of me.I was sitting at the piano at a friend's house a couple of weeks after the above, just trying to play some notes, when she came and went to sit down beside me. As she did this I naturally moved to the left to make her room on the bench when I noticed that she had landed her thigh on my thigh about 6" above the bench and then slid it down my thigh to remain tight right beside me. We remained together a good while playing some stuff and conversing about music until I moved a bit to the side. A few minutes later she got up and left. My brother saw us sitting together but has made no comment. The other guests didn't notice.What do you make of this? She has a habit of touching me subtly on my back at times. She'll press one of her fingers into the flesh...Sometimes more, sometimes less profound.
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flirt, his ex, in the mood, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (22 July 2009):
 Very wise.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): Thank you all for your precious advice.
I would like to reiterate that I did not seek to be an agony aunt to my SIL. As I wrote I thought she wanted to thank me for babysitting for several months. At the time I asked my brother why his wife was asking me out and he said he didn't know and he appeared not to care.
I wanted to be friendly as she appeared into our lives suddenly with a two year old no one knew anything about.
I have had an intuitive feeling that she was after me but it wasn't until the piano incident that she spelled it out. It made me attracted to her. I have always ignored her touchiness.
I will from now on refuse to be a party to their disputes. I will point her to her husband or a female friend.
I would never want to destroy my brother, nephews, SIL by having a emotional/sexual relationship with my SIL. I was prompted to post because I needed the opinion of other people to give me guidance as to how to handle my relationship with my brother's wife and her insecurities.
In fact I would rather die than come between my younger brother and his partner. I guess I have to be cruel to be kind with my brother and his family.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2009): you are messing with your brothers home. kindly stop.
you are not so innocent here so stop being the third party in your brothers marriage. stop playing agony aunt to the SIL. she needs to cut her emotional bond with you and you with her. you are just looking for excuses and she is playing a very fine tune (actually it is mucis to your ears right now). if you were firm and did not encourage her you would not be in this mess. your brothers bored wife is looking to party. if you do, your life will be f*cked. they have 2 kids, isn't it. why mess up their lives. tell your SIL you are not interested in playin- no more lunches alone, piano lessons thighs pressing into one another, no more agony aunt fables. just no more! you are not your SIL keeper. hey with so much of muchyness happening between you and your sis in law, wouldn't blame your brother for playing away. at least he too can have some fun.
please stop interfereing in your brothers marriage. i think you have done enough already. don't be the home wrecker you are slowly becoming. get your needs filfulled elsewhere, your sis in law is off limits. and please tell her NO.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (21 July 2009):
You've gotten excellent advice. You are treading on very thin ice Buddy. Don't end up losing a brother over this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 July 2009):
 Honestly, I would tell her that you need to stay out of their marriage problems, if they need help they might try a counselor.
Your SIL might be flirting with you to get back at your brother, do you really want to get caught in the middle here?
Doesn't she have any female friend that she talks to about these things? Just you?
Another thing. I wouldn't go out on "dates" with her either, she might perceive it as you being interested. And it seems like she is mad enough at her husband to make you the reason to divorce or leave.
As it look (to me) she is deflecting things onto her husband in order to make you feel sorry and "stand" up for her. She is claiming that her husband in chasing another woman, but in fact she is the one doing the chasing.. you.
Look at her actions not her words....
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A
male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (21 July 2009):
 It doesn't matter whether she is flirting or not, this is just a complete and total no go zone. You need to be careful not to put yourself or her at risk and that means eg not getting involved when she rings because they are having a problem and standing up for her. If she becomes touchy feely you need to totally ignore it and discreetly put distance between the two of you. You are looking too deeply into these issues of closeness from her. Let them live their own lives and solve their own problems without you being involved in any way.
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