A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My sister in law has some funny quirks- she is a nice lady and makes my brother happy which is the main thing but sometimes she does things that make no sense and just create more hassle. I’m probably going to be told to mind my own business which is fair enough but I just really want to know if anyone can shed any light on this - just so we can help her. For her birthday the other week me and mum got her an expensive voucher to have her hair done at her favorite hair salon. It was the full works, cut, colour, head masssage, blow dry etc…anyway what happened she was half way through getting her hair cut when she realized she hadn’t put enough money on her car in the parking lot. So she decided to leave! She had the app which she could have adjusted the time on but apparently doesn’t “trust” the app. The hairdresser told her she could come back in once she sorted her car out to finish the treatment but she decided not too as she felt this would make the hairdresser late for her next appointment! Before Christmas she and my brother and me, my husband went Christmas shopping- my brother drove us 1 hour away to a lovely shopping mall shortly after we got there she realized she left her purse (with her debit and credit cards) at home. So she told my brother to drive her back to collect it. My brother told her she could use his cards but she declined-we also told her we could pay for her things and she could pay us back but she declined that too, so my brother had to drive her home and back again. My husband and I did say we’d go back too - to save him coming back for us and we’d rearrange the shopping trip but they told us to stay. We all once went to a relatives wedding and when we were sat down to eat our meal, she was sat under the air conditioning which made her cold. Instead of asking someone to swap seats with her, she went to her room (we were staying overnight at the hotel) and changed her clothes but came back down in a thick fluffy jumper and jeans- not really appropriate wedding attire. These are just few examples- there’s so many other things she’s done that don’t make sense or are easily avoidable. We aren’t sure if she’s doing things for attention or if there is an underlying cause. We have tried to talk to my brother about her behavior but he doesn’t feel there is anything wrong. We have also subtly tried to talk to her too but she doesn’t really open up and we aren’t going to make her feel uncomfortable.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2024): I recognise things in this story.
Could it be she is just on the autistism spectrum?
Anyway,apparently it is normal for neurotipical people to take offence and/or think neuro diverse people are od, crazy, attentionseekers, whatever. I am glad she married to such a kind and chill person as your brother.
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (29 January 2024):
 I agree the scenarios you mentioned is very odd behaviour indeed. she does sound a strange one for sure, but at the end of the day she is the one your brother married, and he is obviously happy.
I would be inclined to just take her actions with a pinch of salt, there is nothing you can do really, you don't want to cause a family rift my mentioning something.
At the end of the day we can't change people, and its pointless to even try, all we can do is change the way we look and react to things.
Accept she is the way she is, and use the experiences with her lessons of how to handle if differently next time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2024): That is a puzzle...I think the best approach would be to examine the common denominators.
Perhaps she is not comfortable accepting anything from anyone else. She didn't want to use the debit card, she didn't seem to be comfortable using the gift certificate and she didn't want to ask anyone to switch her seats.
Maybe she was raised to never accept anything from anyone else or maybe she has been let down by so many people that she doesn't want to depend on anyone. Maybe she feels like a burden. Or it could be she has some social/self-esteem issues - anxiety or otherwise.
Maybe next time similar circumstances arise, reassure her that you are happy to help her and it wouldn't be a bother or in the kindest way possible, let her know that it would be easier for everyone involved if she accepted the help.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 January 2024):
 Yeah, that is annoying and odd behavior.
My guess is that her social skills are not that great. And that might never change.
But I would also say this, IF your brother is OK with her strange behaviors, then I don't think it's up to YOU or anyone else to try and teach her to be more thoughtful, considerate or just use some common sense.
This is who she is, accept it.
While I get that it's annoying to waste GOOD money on a voucher - it was HERS to waste.
Changing clothes at a wedding? From semi formal/formal (I'm guessing) - to jeans and a sweater is not going to ruin the wedding. People might feel she looks out of place but yeah.. She didn't do it for attention, she "thought" she was being practical.
Remember this, you CAN NOT control other people - only how YOU react.
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