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female
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*lizabeth01
writes: Hi! I need some advice! i am in a relationship with a man who is controlling and selfish and insensitive. We have a 3 year old son. I have been recently been reading articles about only childs and i am worried as i haven't heard many advantages about beening an only child. I have read that only childs have a hard time keeping relationships in their adult life. When i think about my childhood i wouldn't even want to think about it without my brother. So i am now wondering wheather i should have another baby. My partner wants one but i'm unsure about having another baby with the way our relationship is especially when i think i do not want to be with this man for the rest of my life. But i don't want my son to miss out on the closeness of haveing a brother or sister. i don't know what to do. please help! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (18 July 2006):
 Honey, whether or not any child develops relationship problems later in life has much to do with upbringing. If you feel guilty about having an only child I am sure you will project this onto your son, and he will take advantage of it and become the troubled and selfish person you fear.
I have a number of friends who are "only children" and they are fabulous, well-adjusted people.
If you can afford it, put your three-year old into daycare soon. In order for children to socialize properly they need to be interacting with other children in a nurturing environment. Furthermore, having professionally trained daycare staff supervising the children ensures a positive experience for both you and your child.
As for the relationship with your man, both of you need to do what is best for your son. I don't have any better answer than that for now. I agree with Malyce - consider the option of counselling for you and your partner. You seem to think that the relationship is lopsided right now, and this will not be a good thing for your son in the long run. You and your partner have to find a way to level the field so that your son will feel loved and safe.
Good luck and take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): I don't think being an only child means you miss out. Just make sure you give your son all the care he needs. Plus you don't sound happy with your relationship, do you really want to spend the rest of your life with your husband. And before you ask only having one parent won't make your child miss out.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2006): Why are you in a controlling, abusive relationship with someone who is selfish and insensitive?
Have you both had some counselling? In any relationship where there is neglect; counselling is the best avenue.
What is the level of abuse? Have you gone to a woman's shelter or a woman's program who can have you take a test to show the level of danger in being with a man?
A controlling man is a man ready to burst should things get "out of control" or too hard for him to cope with.
He has a potential of explosive and physical abuse.
To be in a relationship with someone who expects you to do things his way; to tip toe, stress, to be afraid if you are doing the wrong thing is not healthy.
He needs his insecurities to be dealt with in a healthy manner and that would be with a counsellor.
I think seeing a counsellor who can re-teach you your value and sense of self worth would do wonder for you as well.
I would put off having another child with this man.
Your current child does not have a stable, loving environment. You can not compensate and give this to him when you do not get the proper support from your partner.
Hold off and work on getting your relationship to a more healthy, stable, loving, giving point.
Please get counselling for yourself and your partner.
Best of wishes.
*hugs*
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