A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey, so I'm with my boyfriend of just over three years. We have been in love for these three years since we met, though we broke up after two years as we were both worried we were getting tied down too early, and both saw other people. However after eight months we realised it was too difficult to be without each other, so we got back together recently. We now both realise that each other are the One, or so we think. Anyway, the issue is that last night was our first night together since we had broken up. We had been waiting, and so it was all built up, and we made a really special night out of it, with dinner, wine, candles, the whole package...However, in both of the two sessions, I didnt orgasm.And in the whole three years of us, that has never happened. Ever.He got very upset and embarrassed, convinced he had done something wrong. Nothing I say will convince him that he didnt do anything wrong, for some reason it just didnt happen. :/ I dont know why either!So he keeps dodging between feeling bad about himself and blaming me, as he's worried I may have "had better" as he puts it. His main worry is that during our time of breaking up, I had phone sex with him, and for the first time in my life managed to make myself orgasm. Hes worried that because this is the first time we have had sex since this revelation, that I have desensitized myself in a way.Is this possible? How do I make him feel better? Why didnt I orgasm in the first place?I'm just upset that hes so hurt over it. I want to make him feel better.Please, any thoughts?
View related questions:
broke up, got back together, orgasm, phone sex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): Sometimes sex after a long break with an ex can feel as first time sex with that person. Like any first attempt, it can feel very different, special, intense, make you feel very nervous, etc. This can be a possible explanation as to why you haven't climaxed. It is most probably that neither of you has any problems, and it is merely a question of getting rehabituated, reaccustomed to each other in intimacy, and this can take a little while. If I am right, your body is smart, it tells you to take things slowly, even if you know each other well, your bodies need reintroduction and to be explored as if they have never met. Don't take yourselves so... seriously as soon as any minor problem sprouts, by overworrying you risk being more tense at the next contacts, which won't help. You also haven't 'desensitised' yourself, you might just be used to satisfying yourself in your own way especially if it is long since you haven't been in a relationship, but you can teach him what works for you and vice versa. For this to be possible, you must drop any awareness of shame, embarassment, guilt, all of which are obvious in your post, and ask him to do the same. You have climaxed after phone sex so you can do it again. Your skin and mind just need to become used to his touch again, and that takes patience, confidence and lots of practice. All the best.
|
