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Since we are in an LDR I don't want to pressure him!!

Tagged as: Long distance, Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 March 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 20 March 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, *li_jolie writes:

I moved to another town and met this guy on line, we shared mails for 2 weeks, then we talked on the phone for a week, then we decided te meet up.

We fell for each other right away (we both removed our profile from the site). We had a great relationship for 4 months, I met his family, we even made plans for a close future, then we broke up because he felt things were going to fast.

I moved away again ( he put his profile on the site again), after 5 months I went to visit him, he was pretty excited, we both realized we missed each other very much, but I had to go away again. I didn´t ask for explanations I just wanted to see him one more time before I left his country. I realized i still loved him and I let him know that he didn´t say anything (about his feelings) but he was very emotional too, when we said goodbye he told me he will come visit me to my country and after 2 months he did, he came and met my all family.

I told him again that I love him and he responded the same he told that he loved me but he didn´t say it before ´cause he didn´t wanted to hurt me again. Its been a month since he came to visit me and we still are in contact and he has plans to come again in July and stay a little longer.

I´ve been honest with him about my feelings and I know I´m in love with him, he hasn´t express a lot yet with words but he is been calling me, says that he misses me, and even said the other that he want me to go visit him again. Everything seems to be awesome, he hasn´t been clear yet what are we like exactly or were are we going to or what is he expecting from all this that we have again, I haven´t either, but I´ve been clear about my feelings and told him that....

What is been bothering me lately is that he still has his profile on line and sometimes he goes on very rarely and other times very often. I don´t know if I should say something, or should just give him some time to realize what he feels and what he wants (´cause I just told him about my feelings, like very clear a few days ago...) What should I do??? Should I wait until july when he comes and see what happens??? ´Cause since we are in a LDR I don´t want to put a lot of pressure on him...So any advice??? Thanx a lot

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A female reader, Midge United Kingdom +, writes (20 March 2007):

Midge agony auntFirstly long distance relationships are hard.

A lot of people (including myself) often feel uncomfortable saying how they feel, they feel more comfortable showing how they feel. Sometimes, even that for some people is difficult.

He probably doesnt want to say or show too much feeling because he knows that he is going to have to go home and he wont be able to see you for a long time, and it hurts him, so he'd rather not put "it all on the line" and show it because he too will get hurt.

Trying to get him to open up wont work either. When he feels comfortable opening up to you, I'm sure he will. Dont try and force the issue, let him open up in his own time. If he loves you as much as you love him, I'm sure he just needs a little time to think about what he's missing!

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A male reader, Big boy +, writes (20 March 2007):

Big boy agony auntYou must really love this guy, well it’s clear that he has feelings for you, whatever it is may be love or not he has got some sort of feelings for you, judging by his actions, just feel free with your self and see how things flow don’t pressure him about his profile, let him come down for that visit first then see how things go... just be doing your own thing try not to put your mind on him to much... until he’s really ready for you ok...

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