A
female
age
36-40,
*ib1
writes:Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you want to skip to the question at the bottom thats fine.BACKGROUND:I am 23 turning 24 and my now ex is 22 turning 23. We were together for almost 2 yrs (this coming october). The first 9 months of our relationship was perfect then hit a bump when his family didn't get along with me... we moved on from that and after a few more months I lost my job and was struggling to pay my medical bills (from a pasta broken leg)he said he didn't think the relationship was going well and ended it (he denys he ended it)he kept showing up to my house unannounced and told me he couldn't live without me. Again things were better but it was coming closer to his graduation and i noticed the relationship hadn't progressed. I asked for a week break to try and get him to think about our relationship future that concluded with him coming back to me telling me all he knows is he wants to be with me no matter where he gets a job.He was able to get a job in boston (2hrs away). We were very excited about it but once his apt fell through, (he had to take a much worse one) he had been givng me needless attitude, bickering and picking fights. Intamacy, romance, kindness plummetted. Visiting him was a nightmare and I swore after a recent misunderstsanding he was going to dump me. He didn't but I was miserable so on the phone I let him know all my friends and family thought it was time to end it. So he said they probably know whats best and that we should stop the relationship because in his words wasn't treating me right or stepping up to get the relationship in a place that would survive this distance. He wanted to communicate only through txt to get his things back because he "couldn't bear to hear [my] voice". He needed to hang up quick before he changed his mind.Question: Its been a couple days now of no contact and there were two past incidences of an "ending" that resolved in him running back to me. Everytime with every relationship I start to mourn the loss and try to move on immediately but this time I think I am predisposed to wait for him. Since this was the most amicable break up I've ever experienced and he was sending loving txts within hours before the break up and he has always come back I'm in wait for him mode. I am trying to shake thinking, he just needs time alone to do the reflecting and growing up he refused to do before to secure his feelings that he wants to be with me. I feel pathetic for this and almost angered that I know for the first month I'll be deluding myself! Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): if you love him-why are you giving up with out a fight? :)
go n get your man and work things out!!!!!
love and god bless
friend xxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): He might think that since it has been a on-off relationship, and he admits to the fact he wasn't treating you right, he might be thinking that you deserve better and thats what is keeping him away from calling you. He'll be struggling without you to by the sounds of it, but because he - by my thoughts - thinks you deserve better, the relationship is over.
If you want to talk to him, you call him. Why does he have to do something that he doesn't know you want?!
However, I do recommend this being it. Preferably, I don't think you should call him because you'd want to be together again and it obviously isn't working.
There is greener pastures, you just have to get there first.
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A
female
reader, klove2484 +, writes (6 August 2008):
well i can relate to you my bills were piling up and i found out i was pregant and my boyfriend was happy but i was the one that was trrippin n stop talkin to him for 2 months and now we r goo but all couples fight and aruge but he loves you and he will always come back... that is what i learned.. and his family thouhg i was going ot be like his ex and his mom will say things bout her and compare us but we r nuthing alike and she that now.. that we are bout to have a baby in a few weeks.. call him and tell him how you feel ar go to his house and talk face to face .. that way u can see his reaction...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): When my boyfriend broke up with me, I was deluding myself too that he would come back to me. Its been over two month now and he hasn't. I was so upset and angry at first. Then after a couple of weeks, I realized that we were meant to be together so I should take my time to enjoy myself before he comes back. So I stopped being upset.. went out and started enjoying being single and having fun. I started dating another guy. He's actually grown on me over time and I kind of like him now.
I still feel deluded that he'll come back to me but its a lot less now. And I'm kind not even sure if I want him back.. likewise, its going to suck, but over time you WILL start caring less and less...but only if you are determined to do it.
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A
female
reader, Moximc  +, writes (6 August 2008):
If you two get back together, what are you going to do to resolve the problems that broke you up this time? Is there anything you can do? 'Cos if not, you'll just go round and round this break up/make up pattern.
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