A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help! I had an abortion in January, after getting pregnant by my first ever boyfriend who I was - and still am - madly in love with. We both got through it, mainly by keeping it top secret from everyone apart from my parents, who paid for the abortion (even my boyfriend's parents don't know!), and by basically erasing the horrible ordeal from my mind. However, since January I think my character has changed: I feel insecure about EVERYTHING, I can't relax and enjoy life, I feel clingy to my boyfriend in social situations, I'm argumentative at home, and the idea of uni next year freaks me out and I am resentful of change. I hate feeling so uncarefree and wonder if it is a result of squashing what was probably a more serious than I realised ordeal earlier in the year? What do people think? How do I deal with this? thanks!
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female
reader, bemused  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 Hi sweetie.
You are young and have been through a loss that affects many women in many different ways. Now that the pace of life has calmed down a bit for you are going through a grieving process that needs to be gone through despite everything that is going on in your life. When we fear pain and suppress it it will come back...in your case you say you are insecure and clingy with your boyfriend and argumentative with your family...that sounds like suppressed grief. I agree with the other post here that you should get counselling immediately. I am surprised that when the procedure was done back in January that this was not suggested. That amounts to six months where you were just'carrying on as usual' without a soft place to fall although I am sure that those closet to you did their best. This is no small thing you have been through and you need to treat yourself with the same care and compassion as you would give to a good friend going through the same thing. Take care honey XXXXXXXXXX
A
female
reader, RaeRaeMcGee  +, writes (17 July 2007):
 I have been through the same ordeal and I have to say that I went through something kind of similar. I became very depressed. Where I didn't cling to my boyfriend at the time, pushed him away, They are both extremes. It's been over 7 years and I still get depressed. But time helps to heal. Try talking about it to someone. If you don't feel comfortable talking to a friend or family member, talk to a online friend or someone you know won't judge or be able to be in your personaly surroundings. This was a serious thing you decided to do and in my opinion and expereince time is the only TRUE healer. Just know that you had the right to make your decision and you are not a bad person. You just weren't ready. When you are ready you will give your child the love. Also something a counsler at the clinic I went to told me when I woke up crying after the abortion was, the very same child will also be waiting to come into my life when I am ready and we will be able to meet each other than.Keep your head up sweetie. :-)
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (17 July 2007):
 You are probably feeling guilty, shameful, maybe even some hatred, rage, grief,...basically...just not a happy person and for a good reason why. I will not judge you, because what happened to you and what you experienced, was the hardest thing to deal with and go through. The pain that is bottled up inside that no one can see or feel is what you cannot make go away...you just don't know what to do with it...and how to handle it. What I will say is this, because I am Christian, if you believe in God and the Bible, is to ask God for forgiveness and let him know what you did was wrong and to please forgive you. God will forgive you, if you ask him and mean it with all your heart. I don't really want to get into religion, etc...but I do feel that in order to forgive yourself, God needs first to forgive you and then that will make you feel better knowing that God is forgiving, as long as you ask. An abortion is not something a woman can "just" get over unless she has no heart inside of her. You can't enjoy life and be yourself, until you can feel better about yourself and you will. It will also take time. There are no miracles for any sadness that you are feeling either. Sometimes, it is very good to talk with a counselor to help you during this time because it sounds that you are now getting the "after math" effect. There is no woman I know of who would like to experience what you have gone through and think this will not affect them in away that will be with them for life, that is why I state...in order to forgive yourself which WILL help you and you will feel better about yourself, you need to be forgiven first...and HE will.God Bless...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007): Hi my darling,You have been through a terrible ordeal, At the time you where swept away with the right thing to do, with your age and your b/friends to.. Circumstances at the time were not right for you both. Have you had any counselling at all, as this I feel would help a great deal. When you first go through something like this its all rushed and you havent much time to think of how it will affect you later on in life, It is only after that it sinks in and as you say you have changed as a person not the same as before, You have certain anger issues not really knowing why and how to vent them you take it out on those close to you, The ones that helped.. You need reasurance from your b/friend as he being the father of this child you may have had is the closest person linked to this...You now are in a depression and dont no which way to turn... My heart is very much with you love, You need to talk with a counsellor dont keep it all bottled up. You are young and had to make a very hard decition very quickly, Get some support hunny. message me if you want to talk id be only to happy to help in anyway possible....TAKE CARE LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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