A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend has been on (Yaz or whatever) Birthcontrol for atleast the past 5 months. In the begining of our relationship, about last july, we had alot of sex, about 3 times a day, it has recently in the last few months, since she has been on birth control, it has decreased to less than once a every 2 to 3 weeks. She has also devoloped this attitude and for lack of a better word, shes become a huge bitch. I cant play around with her, joke with her and obviously cant get sexual with her. Everytime I kiss her 2 or 3 times in a row she says "I dont want to make out" or hug her for a long time "She says I dont feel l like being loved." This has gotten me to where I cant stand her, But I love her to death. Everytime I want to talk to her about it she deflects, says she doesnt want to talk about it, or gets a bad attitude. She also sleeps all the time. Say she'll get up at 10 in the morning, she'll need a nap by 4. And this is only after doing paper work for some of her classes.She lives with me so I see her all the time and I've thought about breaking up with her alot within the last 2 weeks. I don't know what to do, I've told her that im not happy at this point in our relationship and I told her I love her. She tells me she loves me too and she is sincere. but she doesnt seem like she cares about me not being happy.everytime I ask her a question about our relationship, all I get is an I dont know. I'm really on the edge with this, last time we talked about it, last night, she got me to the point of tears and all I got was an I dont know, an attitude, and an im too tired to talk about this now (10:30pm)What am I supposed to do now? Break up with her? Is there another way to go about this? I want breaking up to be the very last option, I dont want it to be an option at all. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2011): This particular pill nearly destroyed my relationship in the early stages (2 to 3 months in). It made me depressed to the point of having very sad thoughts (this is why I stopped taking them), I took everything the wrong way, couldn't feel my boyfriend's love when he touched me or looked into my eyes, I couldn't bear to be left alone. It was hell. I came to the conclusion that the pills were to blame because my past relationship history was repeating itself. I'd have a good time for about a month, start back on the pill, then everything would collapse. Break up, stop the pill and feel better... Thinking that I felt better because I was with the wrong man. When I stopped taking them I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. I could taste my coffee again! The sky was bluer! Hugs felt incredible! My boyfriend was ecstatic, he said "I feel like I have you back again!". It hasn't been a completely easy journey from that point till now, as I have a history of depression. There were a few bumps along the way. All relationships need work, obviously. But when he teases me, I can tease back. We've gone from fighting every time we see eachother, to never. I can't really say if this is the same situation for you, but it sounds so familliar that I had to say something! I hope you guys can sort it out, all the best and good luck! xxxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2011): It could be the bc, but imho you guys havent been together long enough to discern that. It could just be the honeymoon phase is ending and shes starting to show her true colors. She sounds to me like she has some form of depression (moodiness, sleeping all day, etc).. or it could be a great number of things, to be honest.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 Birth control pills affect a woman's hormones which can result in a loss of sexual interest, and a more bitchy nature. Althought it could be that after getting to know her longer, she would have been like this anyhow. Usually in the first few months of a relationship we tend to ignore certain traits about the other person because we're high on the whole intimate lovey thing. Later when the shininess wears off a bit, we tend to look more critically at the person we thought we loved. It could be that your g/f has fallen out of love for you. She sounds liked a bored lover. Or perhaps the relationship isn't advancing beyond the live-in sex thing and she just feels a bit "used"...(like, where's my engagement ring?)....If she's not hinting that she'd like to see things more into a more permanent direction, my guess is she's not all that into you. She may even feel trapped. You really need to have a heart to heart discussion about her behavior and how it's making you feel. If she won't talk, try moving out for awhile. The seperation may wake her up, or help you at least to prepare for the next step of breaking up. Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2011): At this point, I think you need to tell her that breaking up with her IS on your mind. You've done your part to communicate and if she's not willing to meet you halfway or acknowledge that this is untenable situation for you then I think then you are at the point where you should consider breaking up. All that said, it sounds like she's depressed, she's not doing anything to deal with it, and you are the person who has to support her emotionally day to day without much in kind return.Tell her honestly what's on your mind and explain how her behavior makes you feel. Specifically, put it in terms that would I think most women can relate to:"You don't want to get close to me and that makes I feel rejected and unloved""I feel like I'm walking on egg shells around you and I can't be myself because you overreact to my humor""Every time I try to talk about this, you avoid it and I'm at the point where I feel not only unhappy, but helpless to do anything about it" I would not say this all and give her the ultimatum of moving out. I would say that you feel like you can't live like this anymore, but you've run out of solutions. You need her help you find a solution.Hopefully she will suggest seeing a counselor or using another method of birth control if it makes her feel so badly...at this point, you guys aren't even making good use of it anyway.I think your hard decision to make is if you want to stick it out with her and support her if and while she tries to change (because it won't be overnight) or if you believe you have to move on now. The tough part about living with (or even being)a depressed person is that while they themselves need a lot of empathy and patience, they tend to have so little of it for other people. They are like emotional black holes...you give and give and nothing comes out. I know trying to live and love someone like that is pretty difficult.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 October 2011):
 The don't think of breaking up as an option. Force her to talk to you. Tell her your concerns. Don't back off just because she says she doesn't want to talk about it. Don't be afraid of a fight. This is a serious problem that NEEDS to be discussed, or fought about if that's what it takes.She should see her doctor about why she is feeling so tired, and also try to change the birth control pills if they have been affecting her mood. You need to tell her your concerns, and what you think might be the source of the problem. You can't force her to quit her pills, or go see her doctor, but if you and her can not talk about this and come up with alternative solutions together she leaves you with nothing, but the option to end the relationship. Because you, alone, can not fix this. You need to fix it together. She needs to get involved in what the problem is in your relationship.You can figure it out. But you need to press this matter and not let it drop. Talk about it over and over if that's what it takes for her to understand the seriousness of it. But, do not mention thoughts of breaking up. You want her to trust you, if you mention breaking up then she might lose trust in you, and can pull back even further as a result.
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