A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This isn't really about a relationship to do with me, but it's my best friend. She's recently got a new boyfriend, they've been going out for about 2-3 months now, I've given up keeping track. We used to spend quite literally even minute of the day together, always on the phone, always texting, always on emails and everything if we weren't together. Even our friends used to get annoyed with us because we were the ones always together.....then suddenly that all changed, when she started going out with her recent boyfriend (what makes it worse is that her boyfriend is someone who I liked for a really, and I mean really long time). She was, and still is, spending all her time with him, she never bothers to contact me, never calls me or emails me or texts me, never gives me a seconds thought. I'm always the one who has to make the effort to arrange days out or just to simply pick up the phone. All my other friends wonder why I'm still bothering with making the effort, to be honest I don't know why I am, I guess it's because that is what I would want and she's still my 'best' friend, if that's what you'd call it. I always thought it was 'chicks before dicks'.....I mean, that's something I always go with, and when i have had boyfriends in the past I have never ditched her and she has always come first.I just don't know what to do. Whether to keep making the effort and for her to hopefully see what she's doing, or if I'm just over reacting to a small thing :/
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 October 2011):
 No you are not over reacting, you feel left out and pushed to the side and off course this is going to hurt and upset you, plus it doesn't help that she is with someone who you have liked for a long time. But looking at it from her point of view she is probably so caught up in the new relationship that she wants to spend every minute with him and doesn't realise what effect this is having on you and your friendship. A friendship should be two sided and it is not fair for you to be the only one doing all the running and making the effort. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel. Tell her you understand that now she has a boyfriend that you know you both cannot spend as much time together as you have done in the past. But explain to her that you feel she is giving up on the friendship and not making an effort at all. Just tell her how you are feeling and ask her to make more of an effort. Even if it is only once a week she asks you to meet up with her to catch up. It can be hard on any friendship at your age when one gets a boyfriend. But she needs to balance things out and make time for both of you in her life if her friendship means something to her. If she doesn't start showing you well then maybe it is best you just hang out with your other friends and not keep hurting yourself by making an effort on someone who doesn't return the same dedication. Good luck.
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