A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I lost my job 10 months ago and since then my marriage has gone down hill. We have been married for 15 years and have 4 kids. We have lost everything we have worked so hard for. We just filed bankruptcy and our home is in the process of foreclosure. My husband is stressed because he is the only one working. Things have gone from bad to worse. His car broke down, my van broke down no money to fix them. He seems to hate me. He is mean to me and then turns it around that I have made him this way. Our marriage was good until all this happened and now I just want out. I feel unloved, a burden to him, and wonder how things have gotten so bad. I have tried to talk to him but it is useless. I have to close myself off to protect myself from him(emotionally). I really think he hates me. What do I do?
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male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (30 October 2009):
Here's a relilation for the two of you... the worst is about to be over... your pile of debit and all the stress that proceeds bankruptcy and a foreclosure is about to be made alot smaller.
Clear the air, and see if you two can rally, and get back on each others good side. If everything was fine when you were working, then it should be fine again- you'll not be out of work forever! You fell in love with him for a reason (got to FIND the old him) and he with you... you need to get a shovel and start digging through the crap and FIND THE PONY! it's in there!
Good luck! It's worth the effort!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): I agree with Corlugo - but just in case the communication does not work - be ready to fight the battle and lead your own life. How old are your kids?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): I usually don' reply, especially on silly topics like threesomes or blow jobs (which egoistically I guess I like to read), but your topic is so much more serious.Let me point out that I am in the same position, with the difference that I am a man. I also lost my job, and while we enjoyed a very high standard of living before, now we are back to basics. My wife rarely talks to me, ignores me, and generally makes it very clear to me how much she ruined her life by being with me. Having three kids gives her little chances I guess, but she is still very attractive and I fear that she is using this. She comes back at 3am not even bothering to call in, sex is off the agenda, and literally anything that goes wrong - is my fault for being useless.Naturally I think about solutions, but frankly its very difficult to do something, 1) because I lover her (albeit each day less and less, and I feel it), and 2) because our kids are young, 2,4 and 9, and frankly I cannot imagine living without them, ye alone them living with a 'new daddy' which my wife would no doubt find quickly.This makes me so powerless, so useless. I just want to cry.The worst thing is that I am also 'in demand', by much prettier girls even - albeit not that smart, and to make this even worse - my wife probably wishes that I do something bad so that she can divorce me as a bad person.Anyway, I have various thoughts on all this, but generally: stick by for now. If you have attempted to mend it few times, do not do it again. Keep your dignity. The guy is an asshole, and if he does not want you now, you should be glad that he is walking away. In 20 years you might have half of your body paralysed, will you want you then?Keep them on long, but tight leash.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Sometimes when we are stressed we take it out most on the one we love. My BF says its the "scorched earth policy". I do this when I am stressed about something. Right now he is worried about everything as well as you. The key is to keep trying to communicate. This is going to be very hard considering all that has happened. You still love him and Im sure he still loves you... men do not generally stay in a 15 year marriage if not... but right now is the time to be there for each other, even when the other person is not sure where there is. I am not saying sit there and be abused , but find a way to "TALK" or communicate productively. when he is flying off the handle then you need to tell him "right now we should not speak until we can both discuss this like mature adults" then walk away into another room perhaps. I hope some of this helps.
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