A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am writing to ask for advice on how to deal with this issue.I've been with my boyfriend since the lead-up to Christmas three years ago; we first met at an LGBT party across the state line, a Christmas party basically, which 300 people attended.He's a trans man and I'm a cisgender woman.He doesn't look masculine, he still looks quite feminine and doesn't want to go to the extent of taking enough testosterone to produce beard growth or stubble. He likes the way he looks and dresses mainly masculinely. He said he'd never go as far as other trans guys with regard to surgery etc. For him socially presenting as male is enough. According to him "So be it if I'm read as a feminine guy, it's OK with me".The pandemic meant we had to move in together and skip many of the traditional dating milestones; him moving in to my house, he used to live in an apartment.Quarantine was quite tough for us; I couldn't do roller derby which I love, and it was difficult adjusting to living together.We just wanted to take things easy and not get too serious but the pandemic forced our hand and we had to accept things the way they were.Now restrictions are lifted here in Kentucky, things are quite good but it's our relationship that's changed.I've started to feel things have become very humdrum and he's started to feel less confident about sex.Sexually we were quite compatible; we had similar mindsets on things.He didn't want to lose his vagina, said to me "I'm never gonna lose that and get a dick, not worth it for me."To me, it was nothing new; I'd had sex with women before him so a vagina was nothing new sexually.I'd mainly dated women before him anyway.I enjoy my part-time job at IKEA which I could only do sporadically during the pandemic but am now wondering if I should try and find a new job, I've been there for 5 years now. I don't hate it, but I'm wondering if I should do better things.The one bit I hated was anti-maskers physically attacking me for telling them to mask up. It was frightening.My boyfriend can work from home, I obviously couldn't.The pandemic for him was good, not so for me.I'm wondering how to get out of the humdrum routine of work, bills, car payments, taxes and improve things, the pandemic's made me think about it.I'm not quitting roller derby, that's something I really love.It's great that I'm in a job where I don't have a bad boss, even if the company is controversial over labor practises and other things. I don't have a boss to complain about really. OK, so the job ain't sunshine and roses all the time, but hey, it's a living.I really DON'T know how to get out of the humdrum and that's my big issue.I wonder if I moved in with him too quickly and shouldn't have done so at the start of the pandemic?I need your advice. I don't know how to get back the spark and he doesn't know how to get back the sexual spark.Does anyone have some advice for us?
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