A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for three years and we've been living with each other for 2.5 years. I feel as time is going by that I'm changing and he isn't (this is probably because he's 25 and I'm 22). I do absolutely love him and he's my best friend. Anyway, I realised that I really want to go travelling for a couple of years (especially around Australia as I have family that live over there). I've discussed this a few times with my partner and he's not really up for it. He's happy to go on holiday once or twice a year, but he's more interested in saving money for the future (he wants to buy/build a house). We came to a bit of a compromise and said that we could work on cruise ships as this combines travelling and saving money. However, he keeps asking what if we don't get accepted on a cruise together or at all, as it can be a competitive field to get into. I said that I'd still really want to go. Although, I'd like to go for a year whereas he said he wouldn't wait for me if I did (which really hurt). The alternative is doing working holiday visas around Asia and Australia, but he said that was a strong no.What should I do if we can't work on a cruise ship? Are there alternatives that we could look at? Or should I either follow my dreams or just give them up for the relationship?Thank you in advance!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2018): I am wary about the advice you're getting about appreciating your boyfriend. You want what you want, and maybe he just isn't the right person for you at this time in your life. You're pretty young and this is the right time to go out and travel.
You're not "blessed" with a relationship when it's not even the right time to settle down for you.
Your boyfriend seems pretty adamant on his preference, which honestly is his right. It is painful to choose, but you have a long life ahead of you and no time for regrets. As you get older and take on more responsibility, you'll have less time and energy to do the things that you want.
You will find plenty of guys down the road who are financially responsible if that's what you're worried about. Never keep someone for a "just in case in the future". It's a bad idea to depend financially on a partner, especially since you mentioned he's planning for the future. You should always have a means to be independent for yourself.
I'm not saying he could be a bad partner, your boyfriend is ready to settle down. He is in a different stage in life. Falling in love with someone and being committed to them sometimes is not enough. If you have a desire in your life about travelling that you want to explore, go for it. Just know that he doesn't need to wait for you that long. It's not being inflexible, long distance relationships are not worth keeping most of the time.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 January 2018):
 Your boyfriend is right it could be tricky you both getting on to the same cruise ship at the same time for the same length off contract. It can be requested but not usually on your first cruise. If you want to travel and he doesn't then the best thing to do is end things. You both want different things. Even if you both did get on to a cruise it is LONG hours, you won't be sharing a room and you will meet new friends and not get much time together.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (17 January 2018):
 Follow your dream, otherwise you will grow to resent him for keeping you from it.
It seems pointless to worry "what if" before you have even tried to get onto cruise ship staff. Do your research and see what is available. If this turns out not to be a viable option, I think you need to call it a day with the relationship and go travelling. If you don't do it now, while you are young and without responsibility, you may never do it and then start to regret it in later life.
You both want very different things and it sounds like you are at very different stages in life. He wants to settle down while you feel you want to do other things first. You are happy for him to join you but it is not what he wants and he has already told you he will not wait for you, even for a year, which would throw up red flags for me about his character and his inflexibility and unwillingness to compromise. If he is at a stage where he wants to settle down, he will probably settle down with the next female he connects with who is receptive to the idea. (I strongly believe we end up with the people who happen to be there when we are ready for commitment.)
Follow your dream and enjoy. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Allumeuse +, writes (17 January 2018):
I think you will regret both courses of action. But I suspect you'll regret not going more. There is a lot to be said for all of your boyfriends aspirations. But they aren't yours. They might be in time. But not now. You might miss out on a relationship and a house now,but 22 is for adventures! When you are old your memories will be treasured possessions. More precious than the stuff you may have amassed instead. What kind of woman would you like to be to your daughter? Seeing the world is as important an endeavour as building a nest you don't even want to sit in surely?Your boyfriend sounds like a good man. But he'd be daft to tell you he'd wait considering the wealth of people, possibilities, friends and lovers you might come across. Don't feel you have punish him for setting you free- as all students of history know, freedom has a price. The relationship is the price i'm afraid.I'll own up to settling down late. I've lived in the Netherlands, France, Saudi Arabia and New Zealand plus a few years in the army. I finally bought a house at forty. My wife(I met her in NZ) and I will never be rich, but we have friends all over the world with whom we are invited to stay, we live a full life,rich in experience and we have a head full of good yarns to tell. Your kids will never ask about the two week holiday in Bali but they might ask about the tour you took across Oz. Travelling solo sounds daunting but people are more keen to talk to you. I think the cruise thing probably would sate your wanderlust. What ever you choose to do,do it full gas! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2018): If you are seeking a life of adventure and travel, and you know he's not up for it. I guess you'll have to make a choice.
You already have a boyfriend that you love and has sensible goals. The other choice is not really connected to higher education, requires you to be on the move, and isn't particularly tied to future career-goals. Unless you want to remain in the entertainment-travel field. It's something more suited for a single-person. I would advise him not to wait. Why should he? When you will become enamored with traveling, live in a suitcase; and will probably meet too many other men along the way.
This isn't about pursuing a career. It's about adventure. If you feel weighed-down by being in a committed-relationship; it's better to get out of your relationship now. Then decide what you want to do otherwise.
He hurt your feelings by being honest and wise? You hurt his feelings by suggesting he let you go and wait for you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (17 January 2018):
 You want to travel, you will regret not doing it, but at the same time you don't want to break up with your boyfriend.
You need to think long and hard about which is more important. Neither decision is wrong as it's ultimately what YOU feel is best. You know your BF doesn't want to accompany you anywhere besides the cruise ship, so if that doesn't come off then you're going travelling alone.
Are those memories worth having to find another BF when you come home? Or is staying in a relationship worth missing out on the memories? You need to decide this for yourself.
I'm the same as your BF, travelling doesn't interest me in the slightest, but I would feel that I wouldn't want to hold my partner back if she wanted to go. Talk to him, see if he feels the same and see if that makes it any easier or sheds any light.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (17 January 2018):
 There will come a time in your life when you will plead for a guy who wants to save up for a house. Until then you are not ready for the relationship you have been blessed with.
FA
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