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*uylostinlove
writes: Having a hard time dealing with my mother. Lately she seems to get worse and worse emotionally. Granted she's always been like that but to the rest of us in my family, it's getting harder to take.My mother is the type of person that yells at everyone about everything. Especially my father. Because, he's had a history of gambling problems. Whenever he goes out on the weekend to play (he's tried quitting but there's relapses) -- she will totally ignore him. The most recent incident has been going on for about a month. Where she has pretty much downright refused to talk to him or answer any questions. Even a simple YES/NO question, she won't answer it. Or, if she does, she'll yell back at him with a snide remark instead of a simple answer.What she doesn't understand is that I believe part of the problem lies with her. If she's always constantly yelling at him and such, he's not going to feel like staying at home on the weekend. The same goes for my brother and sister whom have moved out. She constantly nags my sister to move back home. But, she doesn't realize that she's the reason they moved out as soon as they had a chance to. So, my question is, would it emotionally destroy her if we sat down and told her that she needs to definitely calm it down because she is the reason that everyone is running away? She's a very stubborn, shallow and closed-minded person -- has to have her way. Telling her that, I think it might break her delicate mindset already ...It's been getting much harder on me lately as well. I'm not ready to move out. Also, I wasn't going to move out and leave the two of them alone in the house. But, lately, I've been having a lot of thoughts about getting the hell out of here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2007): First of all, let's get this all in perspective. You Mother sounds like a very unhappy, discontented person but perhaps, with a very good reason. Believe me, she knows she's miserable but she needs help and support. She has a husband who has a gambling problem and offspring who are not loving and gracious enough to truly understand that and appreciate her. And you are blaming Mom for Dad's problem?. Sorry-that doesn't wash with me, dear. Dad owns this one. Mom is very angry at Dad because he is putting the family at dire risk. This is or can be a serious addiction. Gamblers create huge debt problems and families suffer. Mom knows this and she's pissed off at his lack of responsibility toward the family. You state he's gambling because of her and needs to get away. Okay..then why not take up another less risky another activity..say-playing cards with the buddies, bowling, hobbies, other interests? He doesn't need to gamble! I see a lot of blaming here and no one is taking mature, loving steps to be proactive and positively try hard to keep this family from breaking apart at the seams. It's just ..blame,blame, blame.
Now about you and your siblings. You would devastate your Mother if you told you were leaving...all because of her and that she's to blame for everything. What a legacy to hand over to the woman that birthed you and raised you. Show some respect for that, at least. You don't have to 'like'her personality but you have to"respect and love her". Your Mother is human, she may be broken a bit inside, she may be depressed, she's floundering badly here and when a loved one flounders, the rest of you 'grab the bull by the horns' and help her. You do not desert her emotionally. Get Dad involved and get her some professional help. And if you want to move out ...do so. But you tell her, you just want to live your life independently now and it's time. Nothing more needs to be said.
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