A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 6 years, since I was 14. For the first three we were completely crazy about each other. We spent everyday together. Towards the end of the 3rd year I broke up with him to date other guys before we took a step forward. I wanted to see what it felt like to be a normal teen girl. A month into dating other guys I realized I was pregnant (Of course with his baby). Three years later we are married with absolutely beautiful little two year old boy. Things have not been going good for about the last year and a half. I have been completley miserable. I'm scared my life is going to be like this everyday. I don't feel anything for him anymore. At times I do, and I miss him so much, but most of the time I just don't care to be around him. I don't have a sex drive with him at all. He's a great guy. He takes care of me financially while I'm in nursing school, but emotionally I really just don't feel like he's there. Sometimes I think it's me just being selfish and I'm the problem (which I'm sure I am sometimes), but I'm really just scared I'm going to turn 30 one day and see that I have wasted half of my life with a man I don't love, but just comfortable with. I don't know if we should get a divorce because I'm so scared it's going to be like I divorce him and then years later when I see life by myself isn't what its cracked up to me and I want him back, but he's moved on. OR it could be the other way, and I've realized I made a great decision. I'm just so confused. THe main thing is right now is that I'm miserable with him right now, but what about years from now? What should I do? Also, there's no way financially I can take care of my son while I'm in nursing school. I have two years left and there's no way I can get a full time job. If I get a part time job I'll never see my son. I'm just so confused. Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): I met my husband when I was 14 and married at 21. If you are having these feelings now its not a good sign - and that is from my experience. The gaps tend to widen and I do believe we all really change a great deal between the age of 25 and 30 as our own sense of self develops. This can be a time when relationships pull apart or together depending. As you are still young (?) you have some time on your side and for the sake of your child and your own situation with studying etc I would give the relationship a go for now. However you obviously need to talk things through to effect some changes as things are more than just a bit stale. Remember you cannot change someone - this guy is who he is. Set a time limit and decide if you still feel this way by, say, when you finish your studies, having tried all kinds of things to make it work, then I would move on. If you make the effort now you will not be using him and respectfully giving the relationship a chance - it is a lot to throw away if it could work differently. I also strongly recommend keeping a diary because over time its easy to become confused about your feelings - some days or even weeks are good so you forget the bad etc. The diary will ensure you can review your feelings at a later date with clarity. I would also recommend that you think about practical issues now should you leave later - perhaps start saving a little money of your own here and there if you possibly can. A small easily accessible fund will help to give you confidence should you need it quickly. I hope this helps.... but you are right - don't waste your life. Eventually you have to make a decision one way or another and live with it - but you will know when you are ready to do that and I don't think by what you have written you are there.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): Do what you think is right. I can see from what you've written that you've been giving this a lot of careful thought and you understand the stakes involved. This is one of those incredibly tough, life altering decisions that are an essential part of the human condition. There's no "right" answer here. My only advice is weigh your decision carefully and don't look back.
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A
male
reader, magus_moon +, writes (23 June 2009):
Well for the kid's sake it'd be nice if you guys could work it out but if you don't love him anymore yourself than it can't be helped and you shouldn't have to be in an unhappy marriage. If you want it to work communication is the key and compromising with him without forgetting what you want as well. But like I said if the love is gone than what else can you do but do what's best for you and the kid's too, they don't want an unhappy mama even though I'm sure they would want happily together parents.
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A
female
reader, icupcakes237 +, writes (23 June 2009):
well, this is very tough....
I think you should tell him how you feel, i know that sounds cheesy but tell him you just dont have those sparks for him and maybe he feels the same. Then both of you will be happy or he tells you hes madly in loven and will change for you.
-Falling_for him
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (23 June 2009):
 Get marital counseling if you have the time for it. If you don't, just wait. Don't do anything too rash.
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