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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is about to start his PhD in the fall. There will be a long distance relationship if we continue dating. At the end of the summer it'll be 7 months of dating after he leaves. What does a long distance relationship do to a couple who respect each other so much? Im 22, this could be a serious thing if I decide to commit when he leaves. He has 4 yrs. of school to where he is moving. I have 2 yrs of school where Im at. Should I consider transfering? Is that crazy? Or should I just continue to have a long distant relationship for 2 yrs? It would be hard... the cold hard fact... what do I do?
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 The crazy little thing called love has this irritating way of messing up the brain chemistry. No one can credibly predict the effect that an extended separation will have on your relationship.
The only guide you have in deciding whether or not to follow your man is your instinct. By instinct, I don't mean your heart - that stupid thing quite often tells you do stupid things and make decisions that you soon come to regret.
You need to take all of the priorities in your life into account when as you deliberate over your choices. Some questions that may help you in the process of listening for your instinct are: What aspects of your life can this relationship NOT possibly fulfill [This is the most important question]? Can you reasonably expect to pursue your life goals in a new city? Are you ready to be in a situation where you potentially have no support system? If you have been in a situation where you had no support system, how did you cope? Can you see what your life could be like in ten years, regardless of your decision?
When I was 22, I could not see beyond the next five years. I could not foresee that the person I would marry was not the person I was pining for at the time. I did not foresee that I would be married at 27 and that I would be 32 when I had my first child. I did not foresee the wonderful life I would have, nor the major career change I am undergoing right now. But through it all, I listened my instinct. Had I listened to my heart I'd probably still be pining for a fantasy in a woman that was not the right one for me.
I hope that my questions get you thinking about what is right for your life. Emotional gratification is not the be all and end all, and you have so much living ahead of you that you cannot foresee. Good luck in your quest to follow your instinct. If you really listen for it and act upon it accordingly, you will rarely go astray.
A
female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 Hey!
You have to make a decision as to if you really want to be with this man because long distance can be done - I did it with my man for the FIRST 2 years we were together and it was damn hard but we passed with flying colours and are now coming up to the 5-year mark.
A long distance relationship can actually STRENGTHEN your relationship, so long as you do respect each other, both have the same view on what trust is and have a lot of extra cash for phone calls, then there is no reason at all why it couldn't work.
I was 19 when I went overseas (my man was 28) and it was the hardest thing saying goodbye at the airport, but the intensity of which you miss each other and counting down the days till you can embrace each other again, is such a strong emotional feeling that the two of you share, that the pain and hurt you experience while you're apart is worth it!
If you really love this man and you know he can be trusted, as can you, then go for it! Two years is nothing in the grand scheme of things, and if you have already invested a lot of time and love into this relationship, then this is just a minor 'bump in the road' in which you will be apart. It will allow you to grow as individuals while still being together.
Remember...absense makes the heart grow fonder! Trust me on that one!
xxx
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