A
female
age
26-29,
*iraffe32
writes:I'm a very private person and rarely tell people the things that go on in my life. I've been called cold and even fake. I don't feel comfortable talking to people, but I also don't want them to think i am a cold person. Should i change my ways and start letting people in? Or should they just accept me for me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Always be true to yourself... do not change yourself to make others happy... only to make yourself happy.
My BFF (for nearly 25 years) is 180 degrees opposite from me. I'm open and warm and friendly and I will talk to anyone about anything... she is cool calm and collected and very private.... I've called her the ICE PRINCESS for years.
But I would take a bullet for her and she for me.... in fact, I've been with her longer than any husband...
BUT she's true to herself... and I am true to myself and yet it works...
There's cool and private and then there's rude.... don't be rude. Don't be standoffish, don't be snobby... and do NOT be judgmental.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): OP when people say you're cold or fake it's not because you don't tell them stuff, it's because they feel they can't tell you stuff.
People don't want to hear all your dirty little secrets OP but they do want someone who they feel will listen and care and part of that is feeling you can open up about minor things too and keep a nice balance.
As YouWish said OP socializing requires certain skills. People find it hard to warm to people who are closed off and secretive. How can people know you empathize with them if they don't get a chance to know how you feel about things deep down?
OP you can't create bonds with people without sharing parts of your life with them and people will be less likely to confide in you if they feel you don't care. Shyness and privacy aren't you like you think they are, this is not the person you are, you just haven't developed the skills to feel comfortable talking to people and it can be hard. But it's just a matter of confidence and slowly opening up to the right people.
OP if life as loner doesn't appeal to you then just open up to the right people, let them open up to you and don't be afraid of having heart-to-hearts and stuff too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2013): Well if you have tried "being yourself " and ignoring what other people think of you and you still are not at peace with the whole situation then maybe it is time that you make some positive changes. But don't go overboard, like don't try to pretend to be someone very different from who you are now. Change has to be gradual and incremental. That way you are not changing who you are fundamentally and being fake even though you are changing enough to see some positive effects.You should always be yourself, and that means not pretending to be someone you're not. But when you successfully make changes that means you are still being yourself even though you're now different but it's not fake it is the real you.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (12 January 2013):
 I have always lived by the creed: If you want to be someone who has friends, you must first be friendly.
Yes, you should be yourself, but if you want people to like you, you should be kind, open, interested in them. With some people, that comes naturally, and friends flock to them. With others, it's a learned trait.
People skills are well worth the investment. To learn how to relate to people, open up to people, and be kind to them isn't contrary to who you are any more than learning a musical instrument, computer programming or how to drive, or manager training or selling skills or negotiation skills. People skills is a skill to learn.
Too many people who are lonely have the misguided thought that a true friend (or romantic partner) will take the time to crack through the numerous defenses. That's not the case at all. They're your walls and your defenses and the responsibility for letting them down rests on you and you alone. You don't have to be gregarious or outgoing to be kind and warm.
In short, you shouldn't worry about whether someone accepts you. You should be doing the accepting of others. Instead of waiting for the right friend to come along, you should channel all of your energy into BEING the right friend. Trust me, it really does pay off!
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