A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have been together for three years and I feel like our lives aren't as "connected" as they should be. We lived together and spend a lot of time together in the flat, but outside we don't do anything.I have a few close friends, but he never wants to hang out with us all as a group. He's got quite a few friends, but I'm never included in their hang-outs. And when I am, I feel like it's an empty invitation, which usually goes like, "so and so is having a BBQ, you're welcome to come, but everyone's from Slovakia, so we will all be speaking Slovakian". In situations like that, I just say not to bother, because I've experienced it with his family, where he says that he'll translate, but get's bored/tired and doesn't really translate what both parties are saying.Another point is as something simple, like going to the supermarket, I usually end up doing on my own as he goes to a shop without ever asking if I want to join. We hardly take photos together and he never posts about me on social media, which makes me feel like he's not proud of me or anything (I know it's silly and social media isn't the be all and end all) My parents have just moved closer to us, as they used to live 3.5 hours away, and now they're just 30 minutes away. He gets along with them, but they don't have the kind of close relationship I wish they'd have. I can't really speak to his family as they're in Slovakia and they don't speak any English. I probably visit them once a year but I don't know them personally and I find this sad as I think family is really important.Anyway, my point is, I find that our two worlds haven't really merged together. Is this normal? I've never been in a long-term relationship prior to this. The longest I had been in was 5 months and it wasn't serious at all. So, should our lives been more interlinked? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 June 2018):
 Am guessing this is the third post you have sent regarding your relationship? You add a little bit more each time.
If you are not feeling connected then it might be because you are both leading separate lives. Why not try and learn his native language so that you can be part of his groups and be able to talk to his family. You seem both to be living separate lives because there are barriers there between you both. It seems again like he is content with just hanging out in the flat with you but you want more. It could be you are both not a match, however something has worked for you both to last this long.
It is okay for you both to have separate lives as well and do things individually with your friends. But if he is making no effort at all to take you out then you need to sit down and work on the relationship between you both.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (12 June 2018):
 I agree with you that after 3 years you should BOTH be a bigger apart of each other's lives.
I think he likes HIS life to be - partly with you but also partly with his family and friends where you JUST aren't a part of it because of cultural and language barriers.
One thing you COULD do is learn his language. Learn about his culture. It might bring the two of you closer.
From reading your post I feel there is a huge disconnect going on, which might not have been so obvious in the beginning but the longer you two "date" like the the more "normal" it has become that you have your life and he has his and not much of it overlaps.
It doesn't seem like he has integrated much into the English culture. He basically lives a lot like he would back home, except it's on different soil.
Where do you see this go? What if you have kids? Are they going to be bilingual? Would HE teach them and would you continue to be "excluded" in everything Slovakian?
Is there a future here? That is something YOU have to consider.
You could have the same disconnect with an English fella, no doubt but it would be because of language and cultural differences.
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