A
male
age
51-59,
*ater40
writes:I have a fiancé, and she has had a fair amount of relationships. She still emails and talks to two of them. One she went out with for 7 years, the other one for one summer. It makes me real jealous to know she does it, she doesn’t tell me when she does, but she tells me she does. Is this proper, should one end a relationship with old boyfriends, to make a new life? I don't know what to do, I am a jealous person and I am trying to get past it. I need some good advice.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): Well that was one hell of a letter, I think that you have some very heavy issues that you need to work out, how can you get into a relationship with someone that you don't trust or have these kinds of problems with? So she went to the beach with a bunch of guy friends and you told her that you would not be there when she got back, so were you? She also sounds like she has alot of issues that she needs to work on.It sounds like neither one of you is ready for this relationship. Tell me tater40 have you ever been married? If so how was that marriage? Love is not something that you play around with, it is not something that you tell someone just to make them feel better or make your self feel better. Maybe you both need to rethink this relationship before you both get into it and hurt each other. Being hurt by someone is no fun, I have been there too many times and let me tell you it destroys peoples lives. You both sound like you may be younger but I could be wrong. if youre older then maybe this relationship was not meant to be, life is to short to have these problems in a realationship.The letter was good but I think you need to work on your self and get things right in your own heart and head before you can make someone else happy. I have seen those kinds of letter from men and all those words sound great and it makes a women feel wonderful but most of the time they are just words and things may get better at first but then they seem to just slip back to the way they were because they really haven't gotten things figured out inside them selfs yet.I wish you the best and please make sure what ever you do that your not going to hurt anyone while your doing this.Take care
A
male
reader, Tater40 +, writes (18 July 2007):
Tater40 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell that was one hell of a letter, I think that you have some very heavy issues that you need to work out, how can you get into a relationship with someone that you don't trust or have these kinds of problems with? So whe went to the beach with a bunch of guy friends and you told her that you would not be there when she got back, so were you? She also sounds like she has alot of issues that she needs to work on.
It sounds like neither one of you is ready for this relationship. Tell me tater40 have you ever been married? If so how was that marriage? Love is not something that you play around with, it is not something that you tell someone just to make them feel better or make your self feel better. Maybe you both need to rethink this relationship before you both get into it and hurt each other. Being hurt by someone is know fun, I have been there to many times and let me tell you it destroys peoples lives. You both sound like you may be younger but I could be wrong, if your older then maybe this relationship was not meant to be, life is to short to have these problems in a realationship.
The letter was good but I think you need to work on your self and get things right in your own heart and head before you can make someone else happy. I have seen those kinds of letter from men and all those words sound great and it makes a women feel wonderful but most of the time they are just words and things may get better at first but then they seem to just slip back to the way they were because they really haven't gotten things figured out inside them selfs yet.
I wish you the best and please make sure what ever you do that your not going to hurt anyone while your doing this.
Take care
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2007): This is what went on this weekend, and I wrote her this letter. It will tell what it was theat went on. I have had two things on my mind all week end and I’m sure you know what at least one of them is. After going to church Sunday (Which was truly inspiring by the way) the Pasture said some things that maid a lot of sense. One was that you can’t hold on to things or in a sense…you will truly die…inside. Second was that you need to get it out, and not hold on to it. So with that here is the first thing. Friday, I told you that I would not be here when you got back; it seemed that at that point it was over by the way you were talking. As I thought about it over the week end, more, and more. I realized it didn’t really matter to you if I left or not. You were going down there to spend the night regardless. That tells me that going down there was more important than staying here and working it out with me. I do understand that you need to get away, but think about it, you left not knowing what you want from this relationship, to go spend time with a bunch of guys down at the beach. What would you think if I said “hey, I need to get away, that I had had enough of your BS” (In a sense) and told you I was going to the beach, and half way down there you call and I tell you I am staying with Tish and some of her friends, that we were invited, but I decided get away, and went on my own. I am not trying to compare anything here, this is just an example to how I felt, not that this would be the same case. I guess what I am trying to say is that you made me feel like I am not worth fighting for, when I would do anything to make it work with you. I know it’s hard for you because of who you are. It is not easy for me either. I LOVE you so much that it hurts. I want to be the one who makes you happy, but I see that that may not be the case. I need to know if you do want this to work. I need to know that we are really working towards a purpose in life, and not just fucking around with each others feelings until we find what we are looking for, and no, that is not case for me. Second thing is I was going to ask you to tell me on the Bible, and in Jesus’ name to tell me the truth weather or not you kissed or slept with Brenton, I needed to get it off my chest so that I can let it go. I know you told me that you didn’t already. You said you were a good girl. That didn’t sound right. Almost like you thought about it. So I needed closure with it. I truly love you, and I see this as a way to start with a clean slate. I want to work it out and be happy with you. You do make me so very happy, and please remember that it takes two to make it, and two to break it. I do stupid things that make you feel bad about yourself, I am truly sorry for that. I want to make you feel like a Queen, and I vow to do that at any cost. I truly look forward to the day that you say “I do”. I do not want you to hurt any more if it is because of me. I want you to be happy, and like I said, I will do anything to make that happen, even if it is letting you go, as I love you that much. You don’t even have a clue to how much you mean to me. But like I said before I would rather have you as a friend than not at all. Of course I would rather have you as my wife. “Damn, why can’t I write essay’s this fast”…LolYou will always be in my heart, and I will always pray for us to make it in life. Weather it together or apart. Cause how ever it turns out, that’s the way it is suppose to be, and I can except that. I love you Myra truly from my heart, and always will. I will be there for you always.Love truly forever, P.S. This will be closure for me on this. Like the Priest said talk about it then let it go, and that is what I’m doing. What do any of you think I should do??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Have you ever talked to an EX of yours? You should never end a friendship just because of another relationship. Also maybe you should think twice before getting married to this person, she may or may not be the type of person that likes to have other men in her life. Do honestly and truely in love this women? You have to ask yourself that and if she is truely and honestly in love with you.Your right when you say that if it is meant to be then it will be, but remember relationships are built on trust, when you get into a relationship with some one it has to be for the right reason, I have always believed if God wants you in this realtionship and it is meant to be then he will let it happen. Maybe you should talk to someone about being so jealous all the time, it is normal at times but not excessive and all the time.I have had several relationships where the man is jealous and they end up breaking the relationship up because it can distroy it. Maybe you should rethink what you are doing and who you are before you take this relationship any further. You say you have talked to her about this and my guess is that she is not going to give her friends up no matter what anyone says, women must becareful when having guy friends because one thing can lead to another even when they say there is nothing going on but them being friends. Seen it to many times. Well that is just my opinion all I can say is watch your back. Hope all works out for you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2007): Thank all of you for your comments, they have helped. I am doing better. I have talked with here, and have come to the decision that if it was meant to be it will be. But I will work on myself to make our lives better. Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, jhnson007  +, writes (12 July 2007):
I honestly believe if she has any respect for how you feel she would do what's right to keep you happy. The fact she tell's you means nada, do you know what's being said?I believe if you can't move on from what's past then they'll always be a discraction of some sort.You should ask urself if you were still in contact with your, two Ex's how would she feel??all the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): I'm pretty crazy about my boyfriend and have never cared for anyone like I care for him but I've had one semi serious relationship before him and if my boyfriend asked me to cut off contact with my ex I'd be upset. I'd feel like he didn't trust me even though I've never done anything untrustworthy and that would hurt. I like my ex boyfriend a lot as a friend. I have good fun with him. I hang out with a lot of his friends and it'd be very awkward to cut him off. He's a part of my life and though his part in my life pales in comparison to my boyfriends, it still matters and I would be worried if my boyrfriend tried to cut me off from what to me is now purely a friend. While I would never want to hurt my boyfriend I don't like to feel under anyone elses control.
Your fiance has deemed the men in her past as only suitable as friends.... otherwise she wouldn't be your fiance, she'd still be involved with them. I wouldn't dream of getting back with my ex ever but I'd hate to lose him as a friend and if I cut him off because my boyfriend was being insecure I would probably resent him for it and it would weaken our relationship. Talk to your fiance and tell her you're feeling insecure and try to trust her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): It is obvious this will not end as she is open with you about it going on in the first place.. Its not you being jelous its any mans normal reaction when you hear your love is talking with past/loves 2 things its being done to make you jelous and 2 there is no way to end it without conflict.. I dont feel this is right at all but then again that makes me two faced because I recently was dating a girl who was already engaged..~Mabus~
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