A
female
age
41-50,
*ou35
writes:im desperate for someone give some advice about my fella and his daughter.this is going to be long because if i give proper details then you might understand it clearer..my fella (mike) of 8 years told me when i first met him that he had a daughter(julie) with his ex,she is now 21yrs old and lives in america with her mum an has lived ther for 10yrs,the reason being that his ex had an internet affair with the bloke frm america an she decided live over ther an take julie with her..the problem is when his daughter was first born an even up to now my fella is not even allowed to let his own daughter know that he is her real dad.the one who is getting called dad off her is his ex's first husband who she as a son to.when mike was living with his ex an paying towards what ever julie needed,he always brought it up to his ex that julie should know who her real dad is,but when ever he did his ex told him to shut up and dont even say anything to her,he got threatened to be thrown out and the relationship would be finished between them,so mike said to me just to keep the peace he kept his gob shut an he hoped that one day julie would be told an find out who her real dad is..now this is the big problem,mike was talking about julie one day and i said why dont we see if we can find her on facebook,with luck he did find her and its the most iv seen him smile and they are now friends on fb,his ex sent him a message askin him to not say anythin about it,so she still asnt told the poor girl who her real dad is..he does wanna tell julie but at the same time he dsnt wanna mess her head up,iv told him the only one who was messin with julies head is her mum because his ex as been lyin to julie since her birth.is it rite that he should tell julie who her real dad is or should mike keep his mouth shut,its just that he as only just found her on facebook after 10yrs,he was talking to her last nite and julie said they are coming back over here for her dads 50th,so julie is still being fed with lies an she still thinks her mums ex husband is her dad when he isnt.can som1 plz give some advice because i can see its hurtin mike and he dsnt kno what to do for the best....
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Your partner needs to approach this situation very carefully, as a first step I would suggest he see or speak with his local Salvation Army who may be able to approach his daughter on his behalf. In a situation like this a third party approach will work better. If the Salvos are unable to help get him to contact Jigsaw, I know their work usually deals with issues of adoption but they may be able to give him some good advise on how to approach his daughter, and how to make sure nobody gets hurt in the process.
Best of luck, I hope it all works for him
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