A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a same sex relationship for three years now. When i met my partner i came out to my family and friends. My partner was in an abusive relationship and left it to be with me. We were friends for years first. When her family first me me things couldnt be better in fact they said i was the best thing that happened my partner. My partners family seemed great at firts loads of social events and alot to drink. I participated in this which was out if characeter but i wasnt myself as i had just came out and i suppose it was an eacape from that. As time went on i found out second hand about these people they were dodgy lets say and where found out for that. They drank alot and her mother was increasingly twisted trying push her into a man. One night when i had to much to drink i told them they were not good people. I had been pushed to my limits.it all was seemingly forgotten about and i apoligised. Then a couple of months later after a breavement they had been drinking and basically thew me and my partner out of our home that they didnt want anything to do with me.I was so hurt i tried to reconcile but they continued to be abusive towards me through deink and disowned my partner for being with me. Over year they have made up lies about me saying im responsible for them being found out for whatever they wer up too. They refuse to elaborate when confronted by my partner and needless to say i genuinly havent a clue what there on about nor do i want to know. Im not that kind of person and by no means want to mix myself up in whatever is going on. They refuse to believe this maybe built up out of ther own paranoia and have managed to turn my partners siblings against her too.My partner reacted in giving two fingers to them and took a stand against them i never once asked her to do that. She confided in me that this isnt first time they have done something like this as they through her out when she was 16 for being gay and didnt speak for a year. Over the year they have attempted bribe her back saying if she leaves me she will inherit this and that.My partner and i have stood strong havent went out own way and have saved hard to buy or own house.My partners parents attemptes to rekindle a relatiinship with her without apologising and caused my partner to hurt more than anything else. Contact from them was intermittent and vague.my partner decided to meet with them to lay out all cards on table and resolve matter or cut contact with them as it was causing her to much hurt and pain and wasnt healthy. They refused to meet her so my partner wrote to them saying her goodbyes over message. What they replied was nothing more than disgusting abusing me and her .they never addressed one thing. My partner cut contact from that day on with them as it was too toxic and was serving no purpose.One of her siblings has had a baby and out of the blue they invited her to see the child. The reception was friendly so im told and both parties didnt mention parents. Partner is happy to have a cordial relationship with siblings so that she can have relationship with nieces and nephews whom she adores. She doesnt know why they involved themselves in first place. However christening is planned and she has been invited on her own. She said her heart sank as she does not want to attend family event as a single person and doesnt know how to handle situation without causing an argument. Plus she has no contact with parents who will be there. I feel that alot of situation is down to mother issues. Im an educated person and was go as far to think ther is mental health there. She very up and down impulsive and irrational and all this together with boderline drink propblem.The whole thing has effected my self esteem i have questioned why me am i not good enough pretty enough every feeling you could imagine. Im luck in a way that my partner has protected me from a lot of it and made choices to protect our relationship often before i realise. That im gratefull as it does make it easier.We plan get married and our own family in future but its tainted by them and i feel awful but sometimes it overcomes me and i wonder will i always cope even though my partner is best person in world.There is so much water under the bridge now before i used to think i could forgive them if they said sorry but not now. What do you think my partner should do in respect of invite. I support her going but she says she will go blessing not function as she not going start living double life to suit them.Any guidance is appreciated.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 November 2016):
 However difficult this is for you it must be even more harder for her to have to deal with. Your own family being hateful to you is very hurtful. I think you need to tell her it is her decision to make. Support her in anyway that you can. Yes in an ideal world you would both be there celebrating, but if it is only her invited then they probably don't want trouble from her parents and you therefore respect there wishes, support your girlfriend and tell her you are there for her no matter what.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 November 2016):
 She HAS to figure out what is right for her and while you might not like her family and the might not like you, they are STILL her family and some people just can't discard family, no matter how rotten they are being treated by them.
She stood up to them once and maybe she will again.
I think you should support her in whatever she wants to do when it comes to her family. Be it see them occasionally and try and sort out a relationship (between her and them) or none. IT IS UP to her. I don't think she loves you less because she WANTS to keep being part of her family.
Be grateful that YOUR family isn't so toxic and just try your best to support her.
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