A
female
age
36-40,
*bm
writes:The back story:My best friend has had a hard time recently, starting about nine months ago. She split up with her girlfriend of about three years, roughly a year into a thirty something year joint mortgage. The ex has since been diagnosed with severe depression, quit her job and refused to pay the mortgage. After this, there was no desire for any sort of real relationship, yet nor would she choose celibacy. However, my friend is not the sort of person who could have meaningless one night stands, and so the problem begins. Around three months after the initial break up whilst on an alcohol fuelled night out, she gave in to the advances of a co-worker. However, after months of one sided flirting, this girl saw a drunken night as the beginning of a relationship. After failing to let her down gently, then some rather odd stalker tactics, the girl was told in no uncertain terms that nothing was going to happen and now they hide from one another if their cross paths. More recently she was promoted elsewhere and has had a minor incident with another co-worker thinking that two gay co-workers equalled a secret relationship. Since this incident, she has labelled herself a ‘crazy magnet’, although other than a couple more insignificant alcohol fuelled events, that’s the full story from the last few months. I should also mention that she is in her mid twenties but always seems to go for younger (and invariably more immature) women.The current problem:There is a new girl she likes, who she mentioned was attractive when she first started at the new place of work. This girl works very nearby and after a bit of chatting with co-workers it seems they have a mutual friend who exchanged numbers. It has since been established that she has a girlfriend, but no problem cheating on her, and my friend is considering it. I can see the positives that my friend is seeing as a few dates, limited commitment etc. but I think she’s only allowing herself to see those good aspects, if this all goes wrong they work so close that it undoubtedly will affect their work, plus she has always had a very negative opinion of cheaters.She is a very good friend, and I truly don’t wish to judge her, but when I am being asked for advice it is very difficult to have an opposing view and not seem judgemental. It is particularly difficult when she seems to have made up her mind already, but wants me to justify it for her.I do believe she deserves some fun. Is this less of a big deal than I think it is?I know technically she’s not the cheater, but as a willing and knowing party, is she not still responsible for her actions?
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best friend, co-worker, drunk, exchanged numbers, flirt, has a girlfriend, immature, no desire, one night stand, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 To answer your questions:
1) This is a medium deal. Not big but not small either.
2) Yes, she is responsible for her actions. She is an adult.
I find that people who are crazy magnets are usually crazy people themselves. Like attracts like. Your friend who is okay with cheating attracts a person who is also okay with cheating. Also, dating your coworkers is usually not a good idea because if it blows up it affects your work and love life at the same time. Surely she can find a single girl she doesn't work with.
I suggest that you be honest with your friend and if you can't stand to hear her exploits without judging her, ask her not to tell you.
Good luck.
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