A
female
age
41-50,
*snod
writes:My boyfriend of 2 years will be moving in with me soon and I'm not sure if he should pay 'rent' because the mortgage in my name only. I don't like the idea of him paying 'rent' but it would be nice it he contributed some. Is that fair? I'm not strapped for cash and have had no problem paying everything on my own. He makes more than me but he also has more student loan debt and credit card debt than I do. I know there will not be a problem with splitting all the living expense such as food and the utility bills as we plan on dividing them in half. Also, we will still be responsible for our personal expenses such as car repairs/gas/student loans/credit card bills. For example, if my cat needs emergency surgery, I would not expect him to pay for that. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
View related questions:
debt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, gxs +, writes (3 July 2009):
I have been living in this situation for a long time, and I can clearly see that everyone is jumping to conclusions on this one. The part that you may all be missing is that, in the past, most people in their right mind would not want to through money out in rent, even if that is what he is doing today. Things may be changing today, with the fall of the real estate market.
So I completely agree with her hesitation. If I was him, I would talk with an accountant to figure a fair rent that takes all the issues into account, definitely not 50-50.
A
female
reader, xanynax +, writes (21 July 2008):
You are asking to justify something that you may resent if he doesn't pay rent. It is about power. You give up your decision making on that money and it is a gift to him if he does not pay rent.
Until recently, women and surfs have paid rent through domestic service or physical labor. Unless a person is managing your business, running your farm or running a household of children and older generation to care for, then that person should pay rent. (Or if you are aristocracy your status allows you to externalize your rent on others) Also, students are often supported with the expectation that they perform later.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): If he were not living with you, he would be paying rent somewhere else. If you two end up getting married, than the house would become both of yours together. The money at that point would not be wasted, and he would have a sense of partial ownership in the property as well. (I dont believe in Yours, Mine, and Ours - Its not the defintion of marriage)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008): When you start discussing "tenant/landlord situation or as a joint investment.", you really need to consider the pros and cons and how unimtimate this may sound, depending on how it is presented.
For a couple, agreeing that he pays x amount of money might be fine, though after thinking about my life experience, it is always better to protect yourself. A joint investment with what you have currently into it, usually noted as a percentage. But this could get nasty and makke one feel uneasy. People's mind can wander. Anyways I will shut up, I'm sure you know how to handle this.
Take care!
...............................
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (4 April 2008):
vsnod is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi Cindy, this isn't about him refusing to pay, and he doesn't expect to move in for free. My home is in Pittsburgh, PA and prices are reasonable here. I was asking the question to see what others thought would be fair, because the house is in my name. I don't expect that we will break up, but if we do, he would have been helping me put equity in my home and would walk away with nothing. I don't know if it would be fair to him to make him take that risk. We are in the process of figuring out what's fair for both of us. After reading everyone's posts, it seems to me we will have to either do this as a tenant/landlord situation or as a joint investment.
...............................
A
female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (4 April 2008):
 What man would move into his girlfriends house and not pay anything?????? It doesnt matter if you make more money then him or if you are more wealthy. This is 2008 and for myself, living outside Washington DC in one of the most expensive counties in the USA I could never afford to take on roommate and not have them pay something. You should be splitting this 50/50. If he is not used to paying that much, then maybe lower his portion a little. Is he expecting to move in for free?
...............................
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (3 April 2008):
vsnod is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe pays about 500/month + utilities in a house with 3 other renters. My total morgage payment is 955. (without taxes it's 670) Pretty much any way we divide things up it will be cheaper for both of us.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): YES! He should pay you at least half, but if you are trying to help him out...then let him pay a portion, but a nice size portion....a third, a quarter....but he still must pay. Don't let his DC area bedroom skills get the best of you....make him pay!
BadVoice
Wash.DC
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): He's a homeboy so I would like to know this. How much is his rent here in Washington area? How much is your mortgage? He should pay something towards the mortagae as a equal, even though he is not on the mortagage.BadVoiceWash.DC
...............................
A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Hi There,
I think he should definitely pay rent if he moves in with you. There are a coupld of alternatives though.
One is that he rents his own place near you, and the other is that he come in with you 50/50 on the house, that way it would be a joint investment for you both.
That last option is really only if you two are ready to make a commitment and are thinking long term. Otherwise, I would definitely charge him rent.
It's always tricky sorting money stuff out with friends or partners, but unfortunately it has to be done!
It's also important to note that he shouldn't be eligable to part of your property should you break up in say, 5 years time.
If he is paying rent only, and has not signed up onto your mortgage with you, then you should make it clear before he moves in that he has no claim on your house if you should break up.
Oldersister's advice is great, getting everything sorted out beforehand will prevent the possibility of any trouble further down the line and will make sure no lines get blurred!
Good luck! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (3 April 2008):
vsnod is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, oldersister. I know it probably sounds bad the way I phrased my response, but that isn't the case here. I think him getting his finances together will help both of us build our life together. (not that his finances are that bad) Here are more details about our situation:
He lives in a different city than me, about 4 hours away. I'm in Pittsburgh and he is in DC. We see each other every weekend and holidays and go on vacations together. He is the one who makes the weekend drive the majority of the time. His parents live about 30 mins from my house and he is trying to move back to the area for me and to be close to his family again, he just has to wait for the go-ahead from his boss. (They will be letting him work from home) We discussed me moving to DC, but both of us prefer Pittsburgh as our family and friends are here.
...............................
A
female
reader, vsnod +, writes (3 April 2008):
vsnod is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEveryone's comments have been very helpful. I didn't consider a lot of things.
He isn't strapped for cash right now, so I know he will be able to afford to pay rent and still handle his own finances (he pays rent now in an apartment) I would like to make things fair and I would like him to be paying less than he is now when he moves in with me. (To give him help in paying off his credit cards faster.) And I know splitting utility costs will be a help to me as well! We are thinking about our future together and have a solid relationship so bringing up the financial aspect of the move will not be a problem; I just have to make sure I'm thinking about this fairly.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Agreed with all. I live with my fiancee and I own my house. But my fiancee, pays his HALF, 50-50. No question. He pays half the mortgage, half the property taxes, half the utilities, half the house insurance, repairs, maintenance (plus he does the repair work!) and we split the cost of groceries. There are occasions, where my finacee or I will be short on cash and one of us picks up the slack for the other. But we make all efforts to keep track of our obligations to each other and help each other when needed.
Your pet, your vehicles, your credit careds are most definitely your own responsibility. All the debt he brings into the relationship, is HIS responsibility, as well.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Your both forming a partnership, eventually that will lead to marriage, right?
Communication is important, leaving things to assumptions will destroy a relationship. Everything is negotiable.
One way to look at it, is that you both set up a joint account, preserving your current accounts. You are responsible for the mortgage, it is in your name not his. He can either help on the mortgage payment or set aside money for a rainy day into this joint account that you both have access. You both eventually should look at your finances and work out a resonable plan that you both agree with that will pay bills and preserve a nest egg.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): Well if he is living with you he should pay rent. I mean if he wasn't paying the rent towards YOUR mortgage he would be paying rent toward someone else's mortgage, so wouldn't it be better to pay you rent then some stranger landlord? The fact that you own the place I don't think is reason enough for him to shirk his responsibility of paying rent.
On the other hand, if the reason is solely that he is really strapped for cash RIGHT NOW and you want to help out to relieve him of his financial situation I don't see anything wrong with him going a little while without paying rent. That's what friends and lovers are for, to be there and help out in tough situations. But in this case, don't let it go on for too long. He needs to eventually take responsibility and help out 50/50. Its only fair. If that is the case, then just tell him that he can stay with you rent free for a few months till he is in a better situation and when he is more stable then he can start paying rent.
Also, if the reason you want to let him go without rent is because he is saving up for you two to buy a place together or something along those lines that involves you two's future (like marriage or wedding) then its ok.
But just to live with you rent free FOR GOOD just cause you own the place? NO.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 Umm, let me think about this for a minute.
Actually, it only took a second.... YES!
Live together, split the costs associated with living together. Down the middle, 50 / 50.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 April 2008):
 He definitely should pay rent, he'd have to pay it anywhere else so why not in this case?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2008): I would definitely make him pay rent because it is not your responsibility to support him.Another option is for him to pay for the food, utilities and when you go out to dinner ect.
...............................
|
