A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship for 3 months now and all is going well. We've met each other's friends and spend lots of time together. He's very considerate and caring. I am very happy! However, I'm a chronic worrier and tend to worry wore something even happens. In April, my friend is getting married and I am in the wedding. However, the wedding is the same day as his birthday.Although it's a few months off I mentioned it to him (I know I am allowed to bring a date) and said I know it's your birthday but I'd love to have you there but it's your day and up to you. He didn't answer one way or another and was kind of like "ok, sounds good". He doesn't plan ahead as much as I do. My question is- what is appropriate for him to do in this situation? I fear that my friends/family will think it bad if he doesn't come, but I don't think I have a right to force him to come- just suggest that I'd like him there. I want to make his birthday special, so I'd give him his gifts that day but do a special dinner and outing on a day closely before or after so that he knows I care. Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 January 2017):
 When do you need to RSVP to the Wedding? My advice, ASK him again the week BEFORE the RSVP deadline and get a concrete answer, yes or no.
If he doesn't WANT to go but rather celebrate with family and friends, I think you need to accept that. If he WANTS to go, that is fine too.
And make sure he KNOWS it's OK to decline. Maybe meeting a WHOLE bunch of people he has never met is NOT his cup of tea.
As for what your family/friends think, don't sweat it... THEY are not dating him, you are. And it would be OK for him to not attend.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 January 2017):
 This is some of the things you need to stop worrying about, because these things really do not matter in life. Stop THINKING on his behalf. You want him there? Invite him. So you did. He wants to come? Then he will come. He doesn't want to come, because he wants to spend his birthday differently? Then he will let you know.
If you need to know within a certain date, ask him again when the deadline approaches. Typically you need to give an answer several months in advance.
BTW, I think his answer "ok, sounds good" = yes, I will attend the wedding.
Really, you need to relax when it comes to these things, excessive nervousness will make you exhausted. Let his feelings and his desires be HIS concern, not yours. Rely on him to be able to open his mouth and express himself of his own desires and wishes. And, as a side note, celebrating your birthday by attending a wedding sounds great to me. Food, drinks, music and dance, loads of people, and you don't have to clean up anything at all. Sounds like a great birthday to me. And even more, a chance to see the new girlfriend all dressed up and looking lovely.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (2 January 2017):
 Well, you need a definite answer from him because there will be a guest list and the bride and groom need to know who's coming. Places are limited and if he comes someone else can't. That is OK because you are probably expected to bring someone. However if he decides not to show at the last minute that is a place wasted.
Being at a wedding party might be an extra nice way to celebrate - music, dancing, good food and wine...
Take him.
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A
female
reader, clueless8989  +, writes (2 January 2017):
When it comes closer to the date, just casually ask again, "Hey, so are you interested to come for the wedding?"
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (2 January 2017):
 I think it's fair warning, but you can explain to your family that it's his birthday and you haven't been together long, which means it's a bit much to *expect* him there.
He seems like he'd be up for it, but things could change between you (or his plans) by then, so let it go for now.
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