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female
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*lue22
writes: I'm pregnant and my babies father 4 years older than me and he wants the baby to have his last name... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Terrapin +, writes (11 June 2006):
 I have a baby and my partner and I arent married but I am comfortable in the relationship, I chose for my son to have my partners name, the choice is YOURS dont let him dictate what you do. There is 4 years between my partner and I, it never gets in the way.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2006): some words of warning. . . .
check out if registrars accept registration from unmarried fathers. I do not know if men have the right, (if not married) to register the birth, otherwise he could get in first and register the birth in his name. Secondly if he has the same surname as the child people will "assume" he has more rights and responsibilities then he actually has - difficult if you split later. I know of men who have got married just to increase their rights over the child - so don't make any desicions until a fair few years down the line - if he loves you none if this will be an issue for him, but if he has other motives he will go on about the name and the registration UNTIL HE GETS WHAT HE WANTS. THE FACT THAT YOU QUERY THIS MEANS DEEP DOWN "you must have instincts" - Don't ignore your own feelings AND WOMENS INTUITION.. . .
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (11 June 2006):
 My daughter carries my surname and it has been absolutely fine for the last 5 years. I was with my daughter's father at the time and we were talking of getting married but the registrar said go with mum's name as you cannot change if later if it is dad's surname from day one.
If you register your baby with your name and then decide to marry the dad you can always change it at that time to his surname as you will all be the same at that time. Don't do it before the wedding though, do it afterwards so you are secure in the knowledge that he is just not saying let's get married and then doesn't go through with it.
I split with my ex last year and I am much happier that my daughter carries my surname. He seemed fine with it until his family felt that it wasn't right but on the face of it when I am the one going to the school every day and they ask my surname and she says her surname they are the same and I think that is important.
If I happen to meet someone else later and marry then I will have to address the whole issue then but she may be at an age to decide for herself and that is fine with me as she will be making her own decisions and if she wants to have her father's name then well she will have made up her own mind without outside influences from either of us. He is on the register as her father and we had a basic small birth certificate which does not show either one of us so you could go down that route or like the other aunts have said what about a double barrelled name if it flows nicely.
Rights do come into and if you are not married and your child does not carry the father's surname then you can get advice from a solicitor about parental responsibility etc as there is a situation where if your child is ill whilst with dad on a visit say then they don't automatically have rights to say yes go ahead for a life saving op etc or any medical intervention without mum's say so. Please check that one out as you can get at least 1/2 hour to an hour of free legal advice but you have to go through the CAB I believe.
Best of luck and congratulations on being pregnant.
The one thing I would say is that don't make decisions while you are pregnant as your hormones are all over the place and pressure from dad is just not on. If you doesn't want to make a committment to you then why should he say whose name is on the birth certificate.
You get about a month to register your baby so find out your rights first and do what is best for you and your baby.
Just try and relax and not get too stressed as you don't need that right now.
Best of luck.
BFN
Country Woman
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): i was always embarressed that i had a different last name than my mom
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A
female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,
First off, just let me say Congratulations! If you are not actually married to the babys' father there is no reason why the baby should take his name. Are you and the baby's father together? How about a double barrel surname?
At the end of the day, it's your choice. I'd go with your surname if you and the father are not together, but that's my humble opinion. All in all, it sdoesn't matter what surname your baby has, all you need to know is it's your baby and you love it very much. I'm sure it will be more baeutiful then you ever dreamed. I have my full confidence in you, we're all sure that you'll be a BRILLIANT mum, whether the baby has your name or his. As written by the great Shakespeare, "A name? What's in a name? A Rose by any other name would surely still smell as sweet..."
Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,
Phoebe
xxx
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A
female
reader, Blond Bomb Shell +, writes (29 May 2006):
If you are not married to the babys father i think that your baby should take your name, if you did decide to get married in the future you can change the name. I have a baby that has my name but her dads name is still on her birth certificate. Dont let him pressure you into anything you have to decide what you think is best for you and your baby at the end of the day its your choice not his. Hope everything works out well for you, be strong.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 I don't think there's any legal reason why you'd need it to be one or the other. Do what you think will work best for your child. As Jadzia has written, it's the accepted norm for kids to have their mother's last name, but if you choose to give your child his/her dad's surname, people will understand.
The only downside to giving your baby its father's last name (that I can think of) might be that you may have to answer unwanted questions about why yours and your child's names are different. "Is she yours?" "Where's her dad?" Those type of nosy things.
You could choose to hyphenate too, if that suits. Just beware if your name is Higgenbottom and his is Nahasapeemapetilon. That'd be a lot for a child to learn to spell!
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female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Well my mother was in the same situation so she decided to get me both, so my name is N......(Her surname)-W......(My Dads Surname)
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female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 It is easier socially for children if they have the same last name as their mother. Mother's are more hands on then fathers usually, and so have more awkward moments with a different last names. This also causes children feelings of shame and being different. If you are going to be the main parent it should be your name your child carries though life.
You could use your last name and his last name for the middle name if you want to appease the father. You need to need to make the best choice for your baby.
Just remember if you are not married to the baby's father it is your choice, your body, and your baby. His options ended the second he got you pregnant without a wedding license.
Congratulations on the baby and GOOD LUCK!
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (29 May 2006):
 My dear you have not given me much to go on here. Are you and the baby father together? When you say he is four years older, is that relevent, how old are you? What is wrong with the kid having his surname? My close friend is not with her baby father but the kid has a double barrel surname, e.g Smith-Jones, so the kid has the dad's surname LAST and her surname as well. I want to help you, but I dont really know what you are asking. xXx
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