A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to know if it's right for a man in a relationship to have Instagram followers ( him following women that are models on Instagram) lately I noticed that a lot of my male friends who are married or in relationships are always folling these unknown modes on Instagram - their popular on the site but their bikini models - is this right? These men are my age 30+ and it breaks my heart is this what's out there? I get it their just social media but if I had a bf that followed 20+ women in bikini pics on social media that would make me feel insecure. Am I right in thinking this. I had a discussion with one of my gfs and it bothered her to but apperantly this might be the social norm? Are all men like this? I'm not one to be picky but asking for someone just to a gentleman lately seems impossible. I know I'm not in one now but I saw my coworkers page and he is married with children 43 and has all these young women that he follows- it made me so sad - please let me know your thoughts - when u follow someone on Instagram it just means that you can see their feed (meaning the photos they post)
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2016): Imagine a man getting heartbroken and upset that so many of his 30s-40s female co-workers indulge in trashy romance novels/TV/films. It's not so different.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2016):
 I don't think it would bother me, men are going to look and yes so are women. It is just something people do. Just because you get in to a relationship or married does not mean the world revolved around that person and that is the only person that people see.
My guy doesn't follow any of this on social media. But I don't think I would care I would just laugh it off because I am secure and I trust him.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (14 November 2016):
 Personally, I don't see how it differs from people looking at porn, or walking down the street and checking someone out. As long as you don't act upon anything then I don't see it as a problem.
Have you ever seen another man and thought he was good looking? That's pretty much the same thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2016): You should find more important things to be sad about then thinking that just because somebody is in a relationship with somebody else, suddenly they aren't allowed to view whatever content they please.
Relationships are about forming a bond with somebody; it's not about having some pet that does and acts on your beckoning whim and call.
You should reassess your ego and you may be able to see this situation in a different way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2016): My boyfriend has an Instagram account, he's 40 and he doesn't follow any bikini models, so don't fret, there are guys out there who don't do it :)As for the part where you find it disrespectful, I guess you can't help feeling that way, but maybe you shouldn't over think it. I wonder if you follow any good looking actors or musicians on Instagram? Are there any celebrities that really float your boat? I was watching a movie with Chris Pratt in a few days ago with my boyfriend. All I could think of was how beautiful this guy wass and how I really appreciated his face! Was I being disrespectful toward my boyfriend? I don't think so.Do I have any thing deeper going on in my head about Chris Pratt? No, absolutely nothing at all. I didn't compare my boyfriend to him, I didn't sit there thinking I wish my boyfriend looked like him, because I also really appreciate my boyfriends face too :)I also just checked how many hash tags there are on Instagram for Marilyn Monroe and there are 2 and a half million. I can guarantee that the majority are from female fans. So is it disrespectful that loads of women thoroughly enjoy looking at photos of Marilyn because she was gorgeous? how many photos are there of her nude? Women LOVE looking at her and in no way would that be disrespectful simply because we like to look at a beautiful person.Same goes for cute dogs, babies, cats. Men admire a woman with a nice figure, they don't all sit there getting worked up or thinking man I wish my girlfriend were her. But bottom line is if men following a pile of models bothers you I'm positive that a lot of men don't. If it's something you don't find all that appealing don't worry they aren't all like that.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2016):
 Is it right? I don't know. I've been married for a LONG time and I could NOT care less who my husband follows on social media. It is not for me to DICTATE. However, my husband DOESN'T do that because he thinks that is lame (yes I asked him) Same goes for strip clubs. But not all men think like that.
Do I think is it morally sounds? Eh. Not really, but again, if they don't engage just look I REALLY don't see the big deal, most men look at porn these days - and THAT is naked women showing their vaginas, boobs, butt... you name it. Yet THAT is somehow more acceptable?
I think if dating a guy who follows scantily clad is an issue there is a lot more going on, on BOTH sides. Him for thinking following these women somehow makes him more manly or whatnot and her for 1. dating him and 2. thinking it's such a big deal.
Personally, I think people give social media WAY to much credit and power. It's NOT reality. JUST like the "likes" on Facebook means ABSOLUTELY SQUAT ZIP ZILCH, same goes for a number of followers on Instagram - as far as what kind of person you are. Look at Playboy model Dani Mathers - actually FORMER Playboy model. Playboy dropped her after she posted photos of an older woman nude at her gym with some lame comment - but it SHOWED the world what kind of shallow and rude, crude, inconsiderate and stupid person she is. And SHE lost followers out the wazzo. However, SOME of her followers (men in general) didn't care because ALL she is to them is a sum of her body part, she isn't even seen as a human being, just a carrier of drool-worthy boobs... Yeah, that is sad, but that is how SOME men think. No sure why that surprises you.
99% of these women/"models" who post on Instagram wouldn't look twice at the men following them. The more followers, the more money and attention they can garner. Same for YouTube.
I think it's a BIG deal if YOU make it a big deal. But if you feel a man shouldn't do that, then stick to your guns and be upfront about it. YOU are fully entitled to your opinion.
But I don't think YOU have the right to DICTATE if a guy can do this or not.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2016): I'm 22 and single, I'm not a model but I have an OK body bc I work out. I also post a lot of pics including bikini pics on Instagram too. However this sort of thing from men makes me uncomfortable for sure. In fact I recently made my Insta private because of it.But the fact you say only "a lot of" the men you know are following these models shows that its not all men, think about it :). I know exactly what you mean though. I would not want to date a guy who did this call me fussy lol. I mean it's pretty sad to do this don't you think? They dont even know those girls lol.If its any comfort, like I said I am in my 20s and supposedly one of this "social media" generation, but I don't really like this too. I mean we all grow older and I don't think that makes women less beautiful, but if men are shallow then thats their problem.Also please keep in mind even Insta models (or normal girls) dont look as good when they're not on Instagram. When I take a picture with filters, a good photographer etc it makes me look like a different person. You can google "instagram v real life" for pics of this. So its pretty stupid for guys to swallow this image.As for you you only need 1 guy who doesn't do this, I am sure they are out there for you and me :) And even ignoring the Insta girls if you want to work out or whatever do it for you, not a guy. xx
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